Hard Time

I didn't run yesterday because I'm still freaking out about Sugar. The most likely thing that is wrong with her is that she has a tumor that is pressing on her spine and causing her to lose control in her rear end. She was really pissed that I took her to the vet. He gave me some stuff to clear up her ear wax, just in case it is a simple solution, but he didn't seem too hopeful that that will work, and neither am I. He wants us back on Thursday for x-rays and blood work. Here is the thing, though. I don't know that I can afford all that, and I don't know that it will help anyways. If it is a tumor and he diagnoses it via x-ray, I am sure that I won't be able to afford the operation to remove it (if that is even possible), so what is the point? She is almost 17 years old. Who am I to attempt to prolong her life with money I don't have, only to have her die in a year or two anyways? Should I just keep her at home until it appears that she is in pain, then take her in to be put to sleep? Because right now she doesn't seem to be in pain. But she also is restricting her normal movements, which makes me thing that she might be in pain. It is so difficult because we think of these animals as human and as part of our family. We wouldn't spare any expense to fix a member of our family, but when it comes right down to it, we as pet owners must always realize that this animal will not outlive us and that they are, in fact, an animal, not a human. If they didn't live with us their life would naturally end probably much earlier than even now. *sigh*

I did feel really guilty about not running yesterday, so I went this morning. 25 minutes without walk breaks, again. No faster than Friday, though. I still think I could push a little harder near the end. I start out feeling really good, then after a mile or so my form starts to break, my neck/shoulders start to cramp up, and the rest is just a slogfest to get through. But at least the good part at the beginning seems to get longer every week.

C'est la vie, right? Gotta take the good with the bad. Gotta let the good try to help me through the bad.