Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Kitty Yoga

I am a cat lady.  I'm sure I've mentioned that before.  I currently have 3 indoor cats: Grimmy, Cal, and Bast.

There is a litterbox in the hallway outside my bedroom.  It is the *only* litterbox of 4 in the house that is smell-able from the bedroom, but it is necessary because it is the only good spot on that whole side of the house in which to place a litterbox.  And it is used heavily.  So yeah.

Anyways, this morning I was doing yoga and I heard someone get in the box.

I was all, "Please don't poop, please don't poop."

So what does the cat do?

Laid a big giant stinky log.  The offender was Grimmy, since he ran in looking all freaked out right after and tried to break down the closet door to hide, presumably from his own stink.

I thought on it long and hard, and decided to tough out the stink instead of getting up and covering the offering.

I continued on.  It was a good yoga morning.  I was feeling calm and the stretching was feeling really good.  I had just gotten into 4 Legged Table when Cal, the most ginormous of my kitties, decided that'd be a good time to come headbutt me in hopes of a full body rub.  Let's just say: precarious balance + giant kitty headbutt = 3 Legged Table.  Yeah.

He eventually wandered off when he realized no lovin was forthcoming, and I continued on.  As I got near the end, I thought, you know, Grimmy and Cal have both bugged me this morning, wouldn't it be funny if Bast made an appearance before this session is over?

Think and you shall receive.

The last pose in my video is Corpse pose.  As I was lying there, feeling my body turn to sand, I felt a kitty mount my belly and start kneading me, complete with claws!

Baby Bast had the last laugh.

And I'm closing the door next time!

Monday, March 17, 2014

I ran! And made a crazy goal.

Twice to be precise.

I ran last Tuesday afternoon.  I left work early, I hadn't exercised, and I just... wanted to.  So I grabbed my handy C25K app and set it on week 5 day 1 - that's warm-up, 5 min run, 3 min walk, rinse, repeat 3 times.

It went well!  And I was so happy.  I was hoping that with all of the P90X3 and Booty Barre and Boot Camp, etc, that I wouldn't need to start from Day 1.  And I didn't!

Then my Friday Booty Barre class got cancelled.  I was all dressed out and ready to go, so I ran again.  On Tuesday I felt like I didn't need the full 3 minute walk break.  And I've been experimenting with RunKeeper, and noticed that it gives you an update every 5 minutes.  So I decided to use that to my advantage and run 4/walk 1, queuing off the app. I managed a full 5K in 7 repetitions.  And though I was getting quite tired, I really felt like I could have kept up that pattern for a while longer. 

So I was very pleased with that run as well!

I have 2 5Ks scheduled in April.  One as a part of my annual conference for work, and one that was originally scheduled back in January that got moved.  It is good to know that I will survive!  I'm going to try to get in at least 2 runs a week between now and then, so that maybe I can do more than survive.

I think my goals, longer term... this year is Thanksgiving in Dallas.  So I will be at 8 miles by November.  In a really cool perfect world, I'd really really like to be at 10 miles by October so I can run 10 for Texas.  But I will not push for that if I have issues.  I do not want to go over 10 miles this year.  I want to stay at 8-10 and focus on complete running and maybe a bit of speed over shorter distances.  Because....

I want to run the Texas Independence Relay next year.

Eeep!  I said it.

The longest legs of the relay are just under 7 miles, so my goal is to get solid again in the short distances, then as it approaches, run some doubles so I can get the legs used to being tired.

I've actually coerced convinced, I think, 4 people already in joining my craziness.  Any other interested crazies awesome runners?

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

State of the Union

February was a busy month for us.

We got a lot done at the old house.  We had movers, for only a few hours, but I worked to make the most of it.  We also had the floors put in.  Outstanding is sheet rock repair and painting, and getting the rest of our junk out.  My goal is to have it ready to go on the market by the end of March.

We also, and partially as a result, got a lot done on the new house.  Continuing to unpack and settle in.  I have a ton of boxes in the garage to go through, but I'm satisfied to do that slowly.  The movers mean that the furniture situation has filled out nicely - in fact, when I sat down to write this, I was really pleased with how far the place has come in a month.  I finally (FINALLY) selected a color for the master bed/bath.  They shall be: Rhino and Pensive Sky.  Heh.  Z's room finally has curtains!  All of the books/DVDs/CDs are either unpacked or stacked in closets for longer term storage!  We have a guest bed now!  And a desk!  It is really coming along.

In terms of diet/exercise, I've also had a pretty satisfying month.  Weight loss - well, I'm still bouncing around a little.  Frankly I think I'm in the 137's, but the official weight on the first was 138.6.  (Grr, weekends, undoing all my progress!)   Even more importantly, I only missed FOUR days of exercise this month!  Annnnnnd, I'm really starting to feel the progress.  I'm feeling stronger in my core, and that's where I love to feel it.  So even though those numbers are dropping only ever so slowly, I am pleased with where I'm headed and how I'm getting there. 

I got another bomb dropped on me at work, and frankly, there I've really been struggling.  I have to look right now to my kid, my lovely new house, my exercise, and everything I'm accomplishing to keep me going right now.  And I am.  And it is working.

Goals for March:
Keep exercising!  Booty Barre will end, so it'll be time to start pole dancing. ;-)  I've got one more week in this P90X3 cycle, then a "rest" week, then a new cycle, so I'm looking forward to all of that! 
Get the old house on the market.
Keep working on the new house.
Get the tax info together (BOOO).

Monday, March 3, 2014

February Reading Recap

The Road to Bayou Bridge by Liz Talley: Romance, meh.  Saw it at work and was intrigued, but not really my kind of romance.

Three Little Words by Susan Mallery: Romance - standard Mallery fare.  I like her because I know exactly what I'm getting, and that can be a good thing, sometimes.  Didn't feel as emotionally invested in the pay-off as I'd have liked, this time, though.

Crocodile on the Sandbank by Elizabeth Peters: LOVE.  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  My dad recommended this to me years and years ago.  I should always read everything my dad recommends because he is always right about books I'll love.  Seriously.  I listened to this one on audiobook.  It took me a bit to adjust to the language, but once I did, it was lovely.  And it took me a bit to adjust to the narrator, whose Amelia sounds a bit like Catherine Hepburn, but so very appropriate to the character.  Love it!

Parcel by Austin Quinn: a self-published book that I got for free from Amazon.  I thought it was a really cool concept.  It just really really needs an editor.

Curse of the Pharaohs by Elizabeth Peters: Still more LOVE.  Her description when she met Ramses for the first time after a number of months was EXACTLY how I sometimes feel about my child.

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson: No secret that I love everything by Sanderson. This was no exception.  Loved it!  Can't wait for the next installment!

The Mummy Case by Elizabeth Peters: Love, but not in all caps this time.  I think this will turn into a comfortable series now that the novelty is wearing off.

Sunday, March 2, 2014


I had what I thought was the compliment the other day, "You're quite the little carnivore".

I was a vegetarian for a number of years.  I should preface this entire thing with that.  I used to be a vegetarian.  And then for a while, when I was un-vegetarianing myself, I only ate fish.  So I am NOT judging the lifestyle.  Not at all.  I am no longer a vegetarian because it didn't work for me.  I wasn't getting enough protein, plain and simple.  And in my head - well, it just wasn't healthy in my head.  I was using it as a crutch to support unhealthy restrictions on my food.  Not quite anorexia, but something in that vein.  So I had to stop. I chose to stop.  I completely respect people who can pull it off.  Even moreso because I am not one of them.  So with that said...

It is true, I eat more meat now than I think I ever have at any other stage in my life.

What does that mean, exactly?

Well.  I never ever eat meat for breakfast.  Even the smell of meat in the morning makes me feel ill.  I also rarely eat meat more than once a day.  And there is at least one, but usually two, days in the week in which I eat no meat at all.  I eat 4 meals a day Mon-Thurs, and 3 Fri-Sun.  That means I eat 25 meals per week.  At most.  At MOST I eat 5 meat meals per week, and only 1, sometimes 2 of those are red meat.  So 20% of my meals, tops, have meat.

This person actually proceeded to tell me that they were thinking about becoming a vegetarian.  That the lovely smell of meat cooking was really just fat and salt.  They asked me if raw meat grossed me out pre-cooking.

And I felt judged.  Defensive.  I still feel judged and defensive even though the conversation is over.  I actually approached them later and told them how they made me feel and they apologized, especially since they're not a vegetarian yet and they were therefore being totally hypocritical.  But I can't seem to get it out of my head.

Is eating meat wrong?

I don't think so - I think it is in our biology to do so.  Now, the way our meat is obtained nowadays - that is arguably wrong.  But the act of eating meat itself - no, that's just survival.  You could argue that we no longer need to eat meat to survive - we have so many other choices.  And that is true.  You clearly don't NEED to.  There are plenty of people who don't.  But in line with the rest of my dietary maxims, I'd argue for all things in moderation.  I think we evolved to eat meat.  I think meat is the better choice to meet my protein needs. I am not interested in trying to further evolve our species - I've already completed procreating, so anything else I do is moot at this point anyways. ;-)  But most importantly:  I feel better when I eat all things in moderation, both physically and mentally.

So yes, carnivorous.  And proud.  (And working on removing defensive from the adjectives describing me.)

Thursday, February 6, 2014


So I arrived for Boot Camp today only to discover that it had been moved from the Basement to the 4th Floor.

I looked at my fellow boot camper and said, "Well, the stairs'll be a nice warm-up, right?"

She demurred.


You're about to go let a giant dude kick your ass for the next hour, but you're not gonna climb 4 flights of stairs??

(I beat her to the 4th floor, btw.)


Wednesday, February 5, 2014

January Reading Recap

Divergent/Insurgent/Allegiant by Veronica Roth: Listened to on audiobook and loved.  It is funny because a blogger I respect totally slammed the trilogy as being all teen angst.  Well... it is.  But, BUT, it has a message.  A number of good messages, really, delivered in an interesting way.  I must admit that by the end I was all, "Really?  You need to lead ANOTHER uprising?  How many of these things can happen to YOU?"  So what started out as a 5 star series for me worked its way down to a 4.  But looking back at Goodreads, I was writing down quotes all over the place.  Which for me is the highest compliment.  It is good.  Highly recommended.

Fan Art by Sarah Tregay: This was a nice YA read.  Elevated a bit by the subject matter, but not super special.  I enjoyed it.

Wait for You/Be with Me/Trust in Me by J. Lynn: Teen romance, lol!  But well-loved teen romance, and I enjoyed it too.

I clearly went with a YA themed January.  YA is my go-to beach read, steady enjoyment, mental break space.  It was lovely!!  I do have plans to graduate back to adulthood for February, though...

2014 running book total: 7

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Slow and Steady

I'm another pound down.  138.6.  I briefly flirted with the 137's at the end of last week and I was pretty excited about it, but no matter... it'll come eventually.

I'm thinking I've reached the first plateau, which was expected.  I know my body was responding to the sheer shock of daily exercise and restricted calories.  Now is when the real work begins.

As for last week's exercise, it looked like this, starting Sunday:
Tae Bo
P90X: Arms & Shoulders
Tae Bo
Tae Bo
Booty Barre
Saturday I was nicely sore and I did a ton of work on both the old house and new, so no exercise.
Sunday was a true day of rest.

This week I'm going to try to add a few double days, on Tuesday and Thursday... we'll see if that takes it up a notch!  I am not doing My Fit Foods this week, and actually for the past 2 days I haven't done prepackaged foods at all, but I am counting.

I can already see a slight difference in my clothes.  Most of my work pants had become uncomfortably tight.  They still aren't loose, but they are far more wearable now, which is really the goal.

I can also feel the difference.  I don't know if I said it in this blog, but back when I started in 2007, I can remember after a few weeks, walking down the hallway at work and feeling different.  I felt like there was a cobra in my belly, coiled and ready to strike.  It is a very vivid memory for me - the day I found my power.  I am beginning to feel that way again.  And I love it.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


I think it is easy as a Depression sufferer/survivor to feel powerless.  To feel down about life.  To feel out of control, or worse, so hopelessly mired in place that you cannot possibly imagine getting out of the quicksand you're sinking in.  So you give up and let the sand take you.  Or you sit there, unable to make a decision, and the sand takes you.

I am not there right now.

I am proud to not be there right now.

But I will probably be there again.  I know that feeling.  I know it so well, and I have to fight it off on a daily basis.

I want to say this to my potential future self, the one who may be stuck.  Get up and move.  Yes, it looks like it all sucks.  Yes, that sucks.  And yes, it is certainly possible that whatever actions you take will have no effect.  But you know what I know for sure?  No action will certainly not get you out of this place.  Some action is ALWAYS better than no action.

Get off the couch and go for a walk.

Eat something healthier.  Or at least put down the cookies and ice cream.

Clean one thing.  Any one thing.  Then do another thing tomorrow.

Go do something.  Something that you want to do.  Anything.


No, it won't happen overnight.  But it is the little things.  You need to give yourself little victories.  Look at the big picture.  You are ALIVE.  You are still breathing.  CHOOSE to make today better than yesterday.

You wake up every morning and you have a choice.  You are choosing to be here.  You are choosing to live your life the way you are living it.  If you are depressed, something is wrong.  Make a change.  Make a different choice.  But engage.  Don't let your inaction choose for you.  Don't sink in the quicksand because you couldn't lift the fog long enough to do anything.  Do something.  Anything.  Please.

Choose life.

Live life.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Firmly on the wagon

I finally found a My Fit Foods meal that I loooooove: Besto Pesto.  Nom freaking nom.

I managed to eat cleanly through to dinner Friday night, when we went to our favorite burger joint and oh, it was soooooo goooooood.  At that point I wanted to eat ALL THE FOOD, so, you know, it was good.  Saturday I went back on the wagon and was a good girl.  Sunday I had a small smoothie at the Globetrotters show, but otherwise I stuck with the plan.

For the first time in a looooooong time, I started Monday morning weighing the same as I did on Friday morning!  139.6.  Oh, yes, and I finally saw a drop!

I'm also doing a really good job of getting my 4 bottles of water per day, even over the weekend when I usually lose a bottle.

As for exercise, I started last Monday and it looked like this:
Tae Bo
Boot Camp
P90X Arms & Shoulders
Tae Bo
P90X Arms & Shoulders

I am veeeeeeery pleased with this as well!  Booty Barre was canceled due to weather, but I still got my workout in.  WIN!  And I was disappointed when Grasshopper dropped by to tell me that our 5K had been moved to April (APRIL - BOOOOO!), and I did take Saturday off, but I was back at it on Sunday, and that is also a huge win for me, since I really struggle to get off my duff on the weekends.

We also did a lot of moving work from the old house to the new one on both Friday and Saturday, which tangentally counts.

I may need to be flexible with the rest of this week, as I already know I must miss Boot Camp on Thursday, and there is the possibility of another Ice Day tomorrow.  But I made it work last week, and I'm finally seeing results, so I know I can make it work again.  And I will.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Day 4 of Calorie Counting

I started on Saturday.

I'm proud of myself - I have dodged a NUMBER of hurdles.

Saturday I had to eat out in the evening because there were no floors in my house.  Ate off the healthy menu, 500 calories.  And it was really pretty freaking yummy - the Maui Pork at BJ's.

Sunday I went to My Fit Foods and bought 4 meals to try during the week, all 400 calories or less.  Sunday night, instead of eating my mother's NOMMY stew, I ate the Shrimp and Scallops.  Which was waaaaaaaaaay too spicy for my taste.  I actually ate a 150 calorie piece of Texas Toast to cut the burn, but the whole meal still came out at only 360, so win.  And never buy that one again.

Monday was a holiday.  I went to the zoo with mom and Z and brought my own lunch and ate it while dreaming of the shrimp po'boy I had last time I was there.  We ate early so I was smart and ate a snack in the early afternoon - the same 200 calorie snack I eat almost every day at work.  I was super hungry even with that by dinner time, so I am really glad I headed that off at the pass.  And then in the evening I ate the very disappointing My Fit Foods Salmon Cakes.  Very dry.  And now my pee smells funny.  But calorie win.

Back at work and so far so good - Tuesday night is dinner with my parents so I have another MFF meal for that (that will hopefully be better because she is making ham and DAYUM I love her HAYUM).

Wednesday will be another MFF meal.  Then Thursday night is Amy's Pizza night (1/2 = 450 calories = WIN!).  Friday evening will be my free meal.  Oh and I didn't mention this but I'm basically going with my standard formulas for breakfast (either a marathon bar or oats plus coffee = 310 calories) and lunch (either burrito/banana/chocolate or PBJ/cheetoes/chocolate = 450 calories) and if necessary snack (greek yogurt and pringles = 200 calories).

Other than losing no weight (so far) and wanting to gnaw my own arm off, this is going well.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Silver Lining?

I am still struggling through this week.  Exercising about every other day, and kind of beating myself up about it.



Last night I had a talk with Preston. 

I've been thinking that my problem is that always before when I started a diet and/or exercise kick, I started it HARDCORE.  You know, like 21 days straight of working out and eating well.  And that has ALWAYS led to results.  Results make me happy.  Happiness makes me want to continue, and off I go.

This time... this time I think I've got several issues.  My core is still really sore from the bronchitis, and I still feel the asthma taking a hold of my lungs occasionally.  So I'm not going hard on the workouts.  Plus life keeps interfering and I'm tired.  And then I can't do my diet the way I did in the past because I've been worried about the Z and the impact of us all not eating the same thing in the evenings.

So here's how I'm going to try to address it.  We've got a Boot Camp on Tuesdays and Thursdays starting up at work.  That will enable me to get an extra hour of sleep on those mornings.  I'm going to try to make at least one a week.  I am hoping that will help with the pesky life days.  Booty Barre has really helped me to get off my ass on Friday or Saturday.  I will keep this up. And the 5K I'm registered for makes next the PERFECT week to start this all off with 6 straight days of exercise.

As for eating, Preston and I talked and next week, I'm going to eat my stuff at dinner.  Which essentially means I'm going to buy Kashi frozen meals so I can count my calories properly.  I'm not sure if he knows it yet, but it also means I'm going to try to limit the eating out.  I do so well at work - I come home at 1100 calories or usually less.  At home is when I'm blowing it.  I have to find a way to get control at home.  This first kick is not a long term solution, but I'm hoping I can go from a week of Kashi, to maybe a week of My Fit Foods dinners, to working on cooking healthier options at home.  This can be done.  It is just a little harder this time around.

Preston is also going to work with me to try to stick more vigorously to Z's 8pm bedtime.  We've been letting it slip lately to closer to 8:30.  I literally walk straight from her room to my bed to go to sleep, and somehow I think that extra 30 min is really biting me the next morning when my alarm goes off.

So, the plan is in place.  The game is about to be afoot.  I am feeling... hopeful.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014


In other news, we finally pulled the trigger on purchasing new flooring for the new house.  It was kind of funny because P took me to the store to look at 2 floors.  I preferred the one on the left and he preferred the one on the right. 

We sat and looked.  We stood and looked.  We got the displays down and put them on the floor and looked. We took pictures and looked.  Finally I caved and we decided on the one he liked.  We got the poor lady who had been around already about a million times, and when she started writing down our order I saw another floor. 

I was all, Ooooooo.... So we sent her away again and went through the whole process again.  And chose the 3rd option!  Ha!  Anyways I am super excited to be seeing forward progress!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Real Life

In the past 8 days since we've spoken, I've biked 4 times and done Booty Barre (still OUCH) another time.  I'm not exactly thrilled and proud of this, BUT I'm not ashamed, either.  It isn't what I want it to be, but it isn't nothing.  It is something, it is a start, and I will continue trying to improve.

This morning was an improvement.  Yesterday morning I was totally knocked out.  Slept in.  Skipped my workout.  This morning I got up and got on the bike.  Baby steps.

Also, I may be CRAZY.  Oh, heck, I know I'm totally cray cray, because I signed up for the Awesome 80's 5K on the 25th.  I haven't run since October.  Oh yeah.  This is gonna hurt!  But it looks like fun and there is a (supposedly DARTH VADER!!!) finisher's medal and I can even go with Z in the stroller and Grasshopper (who is really more like Master now that she's running Halfs (!!So proud!!) and I'm whining about a 5K) is going to be there.  So, yeah.  It's gonna hurt but I'm totally looking forward to it!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Booty Barre

I went to my first "fun" thing of the year last Friday - Booty Barre.

My belly got all upset like this was a race.  It was odd in a way - I was surprised by it even though I shouldn't have been.  My nervousness entering any new situation is completely hardwired into my gut.  I should know that by now.

So I left really early and found the place fairly easily.  I allowed a huge cushion for my classic direction screw-ups, but other than really having to hunt around in the parking lot for it, I had no issues.  I was so early that I sat in my car for another 15 minutes or so listening to my audiobook and when I went in I was still 30 minutes early.

I went in, filled out a questionnaire, got my gear off, and went up to the room.  I was only the second person there, so I became a little copy cat, sitting on the floor until more people arrived.  I divined that I was supposed to grab hand weights, I chose 3 pounders not knowing how hard things would be, and grabbed a complimentary bottle of water.

Eventually the instructor arrived.  She asked if it was anyone's first time, and sort of hinted that I might want to downsize to 2 lb weights when she found out I was a newbie.  My reaction was twofold.  I don't like being addressed individually in groups - I get super embarrassed, so there was no way I was gonna walk to the front of the room to get new weights.  The second part of me was all: no way, I do P90X with 5-8 lb weights, I'll be fine with these dinky 3s.

So we start with some classic ballet warm up moves.  I think I need to take a ballet class.  I miss it.
Then we come to the center of the room for some more warm-up squat-type moves and some stretching.  This got a little rough, but I hung in.

Then we got our weights for the "arm series".  Holy. Shit.  I hung with her while she massacred every single muscle in my arm, over and over again without mercy.  I hung with til the very very end when I finally called uncle and dropped a few reps.  The chick right next to me did the same, so I felt ok, but instructor totally zeroed in on us and told us we could lighten the weight.  Screw that - we were almost done!  So I toughed it out and finished reducing my arms to quivering jelly.

Then it was back to the barre for leg torture.  Yes, I said it, TORTURE.

Then there was leg torture with a ball.

Then there were push-ups and planks.

Then there was a bit of stretching.

Then I quivered my way home to paint.

I've already made my reservation for next Saturday.  Bring it!

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Goals for 2014

Working out:
I want to have fun again.  I've got myself a Groupon for 10 Booty Barre classes.  Heh.  And then I got one for 10 Pole Dancing classes.  Double Heh heh.  Plus there is a brand new rock climbing place that just opened RIGHT by my house, so I'm hoping to begin partaking of that on a semi-regular basis with P.  I do want to run.  I've signed up for the Heatherington Fun Run again.  And I'd like to run the Turkey Trot in Dallas. But I'm open beyond that.  I want to do something on most days, but I want to enjoy myself.  I'd like to swim more when summer rolls around.  And they have Zumba classes at the neighborhood center - think I might try that.  Oooooo and they've been having boot camp and spin classes at the park on Saturday mornings.... might be in for that when it warms up a teensy.

Ok, here's the meat of it: I haven't moved all of our stuff from the old house because I want to redo the floors in the new hourse first.  So I want the floors done by hopefully end of January.  Stuff out of old house by end of February.  This is more complicated than it seems - I want to purge so I'm vascilating between not moving the stuff I'm done with and doing a garage sale, or if I'm in a hurry hiring movers and moving it to one room in new house where I can go through it...  Need to do a little work on old house, too - would also like that done by end of Feburary so the sucker can go on the market in March.  I want to get it sold THIS YEAR.  I want to keep the rental house rented. I want to keep the new house both clean AND organized.  I am trying and will continue to try to make a daily effort to go through the house and pick things up so that it never gets out of control the way the old house did.  After all of that is done, then I want to get the storage unit emptied out and off the books.

I have been looking forward to reading for myself for a long time.  I don't have any specific goals other than to read whatever strikes my fancy.  I do want to always be reading something.  And I think I'm probably going to pick audiobooks back up too.

I want to get the remainder of the migration loose ends tied up during the first quarter.  I am going to have a retirement and a maternity leave (not mine) this year, so I need to prep for that.  I am a little nervous about it all, but the goal is to keep my head, keep plugging away, and to stop taking the stress of work home with me.

I want to be present in each moment with my Kid.  I want to find fun things to do with her that give her new and different experiences.  I want to basically work to be a better mom, not let my annoyance overtake me (although I do realize I will fail, and that is ok, and that needs to be ok).

These are all specifics, but I think the broad goal here is to just keep living my life moving actively forward.  Trying to live for me, focus on me, while also being there for my job and my family.  I believe you only get one life to live, and I don't want to waste it on doldrums, minutiae, unhappiness.