2017 -> 2018

2017 in review - here were my goals:

1. Life: lose weight.  (Weight on 12/31 was 150.2.)  Fail.  Heavier.
2. Life: work out regularly.  Fail.
3. Life: eat "better".  Fail.
4. Work: make a presentation.  Done.
5. Work: write an article.  No.
6. Adulting: focus on conscientious spending.  (I don't think every month can be green, but how about 9 out of 12?  And the year green, definitely.)  I'm feeling meh about this but we did actually pull this off.  Barely, but 9 out of 12 were in the green and we did end the year up.  Baaaaaaarely up.  Which is why I'm meh.  But up.
7. Adulting: file things every weekend so it doesn't get out of control.  Fail.
8. Fun: improve the garden again!  Fail.
9. Fun: go on vacation to... somewhere.  Total mega epic fail.  (F you, Hurricane Harvey.)
10. Fun: take photos!  Meh, a little.
11. Fun: stained glass (damnit).  Nope.
12: Fun: camping weekends.  At least 2.  Yes, actually!
13. Fun: read stuff. ;-)  Epic yes.  Lots and lots of the reading.
14. Fun: complete Texas 6-Pack brew run series.  No... I think I did 3 of them?

Here's the thing about 2017: it sucked.  It totally sucked.  It epically sucked.  Sucked big time.  There was a ton of work stuff.  There was some life stuff.  There was Hurricane asshole Harvey.  There was depression, weight gain, general malaise.  It was just a really bad year all the way around.

There were some good things.  I took some pretty pictures.  I had some good days.  I have a wonderful kid.  We did some fun little mini-trips.  I am trying to find those lights in the darkness, but the truth is I'll probably remember this year as a year I'd rather not remember.

So, moving on, what do I want out of 2018?

Is difficult for me to even bend my thoughts into something that looks like goals... so how about just what I want to do.  These aren't goals.  These are just things I want to do.
I want to start exercising again.
I want to start eating more cleanly.
I have had some health issues... I want to get those under control.
I have had some mental health issues... I want to get those out of crisis mode.
I have two really nice vacations planned and I want to go and enjoy myself and take beautiful pictures and feel filled up with peace and joy.
I want to continue working on the money thing.  Last year was good - we need to build on that and get a little savings cushion so I quit feeling like the next hurricane might blow us out of the water.

Essentially, I want 2018 to be the year in which I become healthier and happier - mentally and physically.  Things aren't ever going to be perfect, but I'd like to get back to a place where I'm a little more capable of rolling with the punches.  I am ready.  I am willing to put in the work.  I know it will be hard, but I'm tired of this place that I'm in.  So I'm bringing it in 2018.  Let's do this thing.

And so it goes

So far so good, maybe?

I have done a great job with controlling my eating so far this month.  There was only one day where I wasn't being super strict, and on that day I had a baby shower, and even there I ate fruit and veggies first and tried to control my intake.  A cupcake was my only true slip, and I keep reminding myself that I never said I'd be perfect and I have to allow myself little indulgences so I don't fall off the wagon and go full binge.

My strategy is a controlled breakfast (300)/snack (100)/lunch (400) at work, and then I went through all of our favorite Blue Apron meals looking for ones under 600 calories that we could do for dinner.  I preferred the ones that are also low-ish in carbs.  Dessert after dinner has been fruit - clementines and strawberries.

I have done a decent job of working out every day... until I got sick two days ago I had only missed one day (not surprisingly, the baby shower day, and that was really because it was 18 degrees outside that morning which made me reneg on my walk) this whole month.  I was all the way down for the count yesterday and today though - really truly about to go to the doctor sick.  So... a B on that so far?

I am pretty solidly down 2 pounds, I think.  I am actually lower than that right now, but it may be due to sickness so I don't want to count it as a real loss yet.  I am really worried about my upcoming work trip.  I've been able to secure invites to lots of free food, but that reeks of lack of control to me, yeesh.  It would be a shame to blow it all up so quickly.  (But if I do, I'll get back on the freaking wagon when I get home and we will do this all again.  Dangit.)  My hope right now is that my lack of eating during this sickness will result in an inability to super overeat while I'm at conference, thus mitigating the damage.  Or something.  I did also buy little to go packs of peanut butter thinking that maybe I can snag bread and jelly at my hotel's breakfast so I can make a lunch, again, mitigating the damage primarily to dinner.

I signed up for this mama site that has 15 minute workouts daily, hoping that that will be short enough that I'll even do it on my trip.  I haven't tried it yet because of all the sickness.  Hopefully this weekend I'll start feeling better and be able to give it a true try.  If I like it I'll post the link.

So yeah, on the wagon and feeling pretty good about my progress til I got sick.  I have a doc apt in about an hour, so hopefully I'll be good as new and following up shortly!

Well That Wasn't What I Was Expecting

Yesterday I had to eat out for work.  We were going to a Thai place.  I researched appropriate foods, but approached the meal with trepidation because it was a buffet and I wasn't sure what all would be available.  And buffet.  And I was hungry.  I ended up with about half a cup of fried rice, probably a cup of mixed veggies with some sort of slightly spicy sauce, and a veggie summer roll with about a tablespoon of sweet and sour sauce.  I did my best to enter in equivalents into My Fitness Pal, but I had zero confidence in the outcome.

Then this morning I woke up with the typical "I ate out and therefore consumed too much sodium yesterday" thirst, despite the 4 bottles of water I drank yesterday.  That never (ever) bodes well on the scale.  Never.  That always (ALWAYS) means a gain, if only a temporary gain.

So you can see why I approached my scale with dread.

Which is why you will understand my complete shock when I saw a loss.  Not just a loss, but a loss past what I was before I started the birth control.

People often ask me why I weigh every day.  Industry standard seems to be once a week, or even once a month.  I tried once a week when I first started, years ago, but that does NOT work for me, not even a little bit.  I know now from weighing daily that I can experience fluctuations on a daily basis of up to 3 pounds.  The horror of stepping on the scale for a weekly or monthly weigh in to find yourself heavier when you've been dieting and exercising is incredibly damaging to my fragile mojo.  I do much better with the every day weigh in because I can look for trends and not stress out so hardcore on any given number.

The irony here is that usually, USUALLY I find that 3 days at a weight means that I am that weight.  So when I started the pill and got a 151.6, I didn't panic.  On the second day, I was a little peeved, but still not panicking.  On the third day, well, you saw it.  Resignation and sadness.

Today I weighed 150 even.  Per my own rules, I'd normally not dare to post about it for several days.  And it wouldn't be beyond normal for it to fluctuate back up.  But it was really really (REALLY REALLY) important to me because even if it isn't where my body settles, it shows that it CAN go down while on the pill.  And I needed that.  I needed to know that I wasn't completely screwing over all the hard work I've been putting in.

And so, onward through the fog!

BOOM!

One egg in a tortilla with cheese and greens FROM THE GARDEN.

I'm not sure I can adequately express how satisfying that is.

It was yummy too!

PSA: What Not To Say

The other thing that happened this past weekend that I want to talk about was actually the day before the Tejas Triathlon.

We were at a party.  I was leaning against a wall with my shoulder blades, with my hips kind of leaning out, chatting with my husband and his friend.  A guy sort of comes in and gets in on the conversation and SOMEHOW, I found this happening.

Guy:  You look like you're about to pop.  When are you due?
Me:  I'm not.

Me: I just have bad posture.

ARRRRRRGHHH!

You know here is the thing.  I do have bad posture.  And I was wearing a tight shirt.  And I was leaning with my hips sort of out, probably making me look all Jar-Jar.  But duuuude.  You just don't say that to a woman.  You really shouldn't ask, ever, unless a woman brings it up first.  Ever. 

Also, ALSO, I've been killing myself mentally about it ever since for not being harder on this guy.  Someone needs to teach him not to do that.  That it isn't ok to wander around callously remarking on someone's appearance.  And that he may think he's asking a fun question, but if he is wrong, he's telling someone they are fat.  You could just as easily say, "Do you guys have any kids?" and if the woman is pregnant she'll likely rub that belly and tell you when she's due IF she is pregnant.  Otherwise, dude, maybe she IS just fat, and WHOA didn't you dodge a bullet there!

I feel like I spend too much of my life taking shit and disguising it as ME being nice.  Like I was talking with an old mentor of mine back in April and she was telling this story about how her boss started using her English skills as ammo against her (she immigrated a number of years ago and occasionally has singular/plural issues and s/he pronoun issues, but she is incredibly smart and well-spoken enough to where you just look past it, at least I always did) and I said, "She can't do that, that is discrimination."  And she looked at me and said, "No, it is racism."  Why didn't I use that word?  Why am I afraid to call a spade a spade?

There was another story recently from a colleague who got approached by a man on a street when we were in Austin and she lectured him on not walking up to women and getting in their personal space.  I totally would have taken it.  I know I would have.  I would have tried to look small and not make eye contact and just tried to book it out of there as quickly as I could.  What am I missing in me that I let these things happen and I don't do anything about them.

I know this one isn't as big of a deal as either of the two I just mentioned.  But in my head it is the same lack of standing up for myself or others, and it bothers me.  This time I think it is because I was at a friend's party, I didn't want to make waves with the friend of a friend, etc.  But that shouldn't be ok either.

Back to my here is the thing.  I know I'm not what I used to be.  I know I need to lose maybe 20 pounds.  I know I'm squidgy around the middle.  I know these things and I don't like them about myself.  But I've gotten to a place in my life where I'm starting to accept them.  Not giving up on improving myself, but just seeing myself as I am and realizing that that is ok too.  And that I had a baby and I may never be able to go back to seeing my abs.  But I have a beautiful kid and this body now also represents that.  I want to be healthy.  I want to do triathlons and seek athleticism and self-improvement.  But I also want to eat cake at birthday parties.  And go out to dinner with my former colleagues, and lunch with my new colleagues.  And go to dinner once a week at my parents' home without having to being something calorie-countable/controlled.  My body is a component of my happiness in that I need to feel good to be happy.  I don't need to be 120 pounds and fully ripped to be happy.  And MOST days, I'm ok with that.  And then shit like this happens and it messes with me big time.  BIG TIME.  Saturday night I needed to eat a full, well-balanced meal.  Instead I felt guilty about the one hot dog and one cupcake I ate after the incident, and then practically bonked following the race the next day, partially due to the terrible lack of edible food at the post-race, but also partially I'm sure due to under-fueling the night before, which then completely jacked my eating for the rest of that day.

Long story short: I am a real woman who faces real struggles around eating and weight management.  Not because I eat super badly, not that I eat wonderfully either, but I think more because my body doesn't metabolize as quickly as I would wish.  A weight MAINTENANCE calorie count for me seems to be about 1400 calories per day.  I challenge anyone to do that on a regular basis.  It is really tough.   So I gain and I lose as I live my life, and I think that just is what it is.  What bothers me the most is that society pressures me to be thin.  Hell, I probably did more before that dude got out of bed on Sunday than he will do all week.  I am strong.  I am capable.  I am powerful.  I have serious endurance and mental fortitude.  I am constantly engaging in personal reflection and continuous improvement.  And it pisses me off that someone I've never met can think it is ok to come up to me and comment on my appearance like it is any of his business, AND that when it does happen, it messes with my self-esteem so very much.

Carnivorous

I had what I thought was the compliment the other day, "You're quite the little carnivore".

I was a vegetarian for a number of years.  I should preface this entire thing with that.  I used to be a vegetarian.  And then for a while, when I was un-vegetarianing myself, I only ate fish.  So I am NOT judging the lifestyle.  Not at all.  I am no longer a vegetarian because it didn't work for me.  I wasn't getting enough protein, plain and simple.  And in my head - well, it just wasn't healthy in my head.  I was using it as a crutch to support unhealthy restrictions on my food.  Not quite anorexia, but something in that vein.  So I had to stop. I chose to stop.  I completely respect people who can pull it off.  Even moreso because I am not one of them.  So with that said...

It is true, I eat more meat now than I think I ever have at any other stage in my life.

What does that mean, exactly?

Well.  I never ever eat meat for breakfast.  Even the smell of meat in the morning makes me feel ill.  I also rarely eat meat more than once a day.  And there is at least one, but usually two, days in the week in which I eat no meat at all.  I eat 4 meals a day Mon-Thurs, and 3 Fri-Sun.  That means I eat 25 meals per week.  At most.  At MOST I eat 5 meat meals per week, and only 1, sometimes 2 of those are red meat.  So 20% of my meals, tops, have meat.

This person actually proceeded to tell me that they were thinking about becoming a vegetarian.  That the lovely smell of meat cooking was really just fat and salt.  They asked me if raw meat grossed me out pre-cooking.

And I felt judged.  Defensive.  I still feel judged and defensive even though the conversation is over.  I actually approached them later and told them how they made me feel and they apologized, especially since they're not a vegetarian yet and they were therefore being totally hypocritical.  But I can't seem to get it out of my head.

Is eating meat wrong?

I don't think so - I think it is in our biology to do so.  Now, the way our meat is obtained nowadays - that is arguably wrong.  But the act of eating meat itself - no, that's just survival.  You could argue that we no longer need to eat meat to survive - we have so many other choices.  And that is true.  You clearly don't NEED to.  There are plenty of people who don't.  But in line with the rest of my dietary maxims, I'd argue for all things in moderation.  I think we evolved to eat meat.  I think meat is the better choice to meet my protein needs. I am not interested in trying to further evolve our species - I've already completed procreating, so anything else I do is moot at this point anyways. ;-)  But most importantly:  I feel better when I eat all things in moderation, both physically and mentally.

So yes, carnivorous.  And proud.  (And working on removing defensive from the adjectives describing me.)

Firmly on the wagon

I finally found a My Fit Foods meal that I loooooove: Besto Pesto.  Nom freaking nom.

I managed to eat cleanly through to dinner Friday night, when we went to our favorite burger joint and oh, it was soooooo goooooood.  At that point I wanted to eat ALL THE FOOD, so, you know, it was good.  Saturday I went back on the wagon and was a good girl.  Sunday I had a small smoothie at the Globetrotters show, but otherwise I stuck with the plan.

For the first time in a looooooong time, I started Monday morning weighing the same as I did on Friday morning!  139.6.  Oh, yes, and I finally saw a drop!

I'm also doing a really good job of getting my 4 bottles of water per day, even over the weekend when I usually lose a bottle.

As for exercise, I started last Monday and it looked like this:
Bike
Bike
Tae Bo
Boot Camp
P90X Arms & Shoulders
Off
Tae Bo
P90X Arms & Shoulders

I am veeeeeeery pleased with this as well!  Booty Barre was canceled due to weather, but I still got my workout in.  WIN!  And I was disappointed when Grasshopper dropped by to tell me that our 5K had been moved to April (APRIL - BOOOOO!), and I did take Saturday off, but I was back at it on Sunday, and that is also a huge win for me, since I really struggle to get off my duff on the weekends.

We also did a lot of moving work from the old house to the new one on both Friday and Saturday, which tangentally counts.

I may need to be flexible with the rest of this week, as I already know I must miss Boot Camp on Thursday, and there is the possibility of another Ice Day tomorrow.  But I made it work last week, and I'm finally seeing results, so I know I can make it work again.  And I will.

Silver Lining?

I am still struggling through this week.  Exercising about every other day, and kind of beating myself up about it.

But.

But.

Last night I had a talk with Preston. 

I've been thinking that my problem is that always before when I started a diet and/or exercise kick, I started it HARDCORE.  You know, like 21 days straight of working out and eating well.  And that has ALWAYS led to results.  Results make me happy.  Happiness makes me want to continue, and off I go.

This time... this time I think I've got several issues.  My core is still really sore from the bronchitis, and I still feel the asthma taking a hold of my lungs occasionally.  So I'm not going hard on the workouts.  Plus life keeps interfering and I'm tired.  And then I can't do my diet the way I did in the past because I've been worried about the Z and the impact of us all not eating the same thing in the evenings.

So here's how I'm going to try to address it.  We've got a Boot Camp on Tuesdays and Thursdays starting up at work.  That will enable me to get an extra hour of sleep on those mornings.  I'm going to try to make at least one a week.  I am hoping that will help with the pesky life days.  Booty Barre has really helped me to get off my ass on Friday or Saturday.  I will keep this up. And the 5K I'm registered for makes next the PERFECT week to start this all off with 6 straight days of exercise.

As for eating, Preston and I talked and next week, I'm going to eat my stuff at dinner.  Which essentially means I'm going to buy Kashi frozen meals so I can count my calories properly.  I'm not sure if he knows it yet, but it also means I'm going to try to limit the eating out.  I do so well at work - I come home at 1100 calories or usually less.  At home is when I'm blowing it.  I have to find a way to get control at home.  This first kick is not a long term solution, but I'm hoping I can go from a week of Kashi, to maybe a week of My Fit Foods dinners, to working on cooking healthier options at home.  This can be done.  It is just a little harder this time around.

Preston is also going to work with me to try to stick more vigorously to Z's 8pm bedtime.  We've been letting it slip lately to closer to 8:30.  I literally walk straight from her room to my bed to go to sleep, and somehow I think that extra 30 min is really biting me the next morning when my alarm goes off.

So, the plan is in place.  The game is about to be afoot.  I am feeling... hopeful.

Frederickdburg, Fun, and Big Cooking Days

Thursday we headed up to Fredericksburg for P's Grandparents' 65th wedding anniversary.  You read that right: 65 years.  Wow.

Mawmaw, Papa, P, Me, and Z

We left around 10am and made a pretty efficient trek towards Austin, stopping once for lunch, then in Austin for a shake at EZ's.  Then we tooled around the hotel, Z pooped in the pool, and we headed to the big dinner.  Which was at 7.  Not the ideal time for the Z, who should have been winding down for bed, but we play the cards we're dealt, right?  Food was good, wine was good, company was good.  And really, Z was wooooooonderful considering how sleepy she was - she never got fussy!  And she even warmed up a bit to the strangers family.  She was a hit for the wait staff who brought shrimp just for her and kept coming around with yummy bread that she was eating like it was her last meal.  All in all, a great night to celebrate the matriarch and patriarch of Preston's mom's family.

P and Mawmaw.

And then the next morning a quick trip by their house and we were headed home.

Petting Charlie with cousin Jennifer.

Saturday was an errand and chore day, but, omg, we CLEANED THE BOX PILE in my living room!!!!!!!!  Now I can really look for new floors!!  I also did a big cooking hour where I knocked out some Curry Chicken and some Healthy Mama BBQ Chicken.  In an hour.  Because I rock.

Sunday we tooled around some more, made a fun trip to the park for the Z.

Monday we and Gaga went out to Hermann Park to ride the train and play at the Splash Pad.  Z had an awesome time, then for some reason when we got home refused to nap.  So that was terrible.  I finally gave up making her try to sleep at 4 and called Gaga to come get her because I had bought a crap-ton of meat at SAMS for another Big Cooking day from my new ebook "Fix, Freeze, Feast".  Once she carted the Kid away, P and I made 8 meals plus dinner in 2 hours.  We made pork with mushrooms and a sweet potato for dinner, 5 meals of Sweet and Sour Meatballs from the book, and 10 (which I'm guessing is 3 meals) servings of Chicken Cordon Bleu.  Hopefully it'll all taste great, because that's a lot of food!

(I actually have tons more pics from this weekend, but they are all on the nice camera, so I'll post them later.  Knowing me, probably much later.)

Confessions

Dear Diary,

I am starting to track my calories again.  Because I got out of control.

And I'm requiring exercise every morning this week.  Because I got lazy.

I hate Time-Change Monday.

Kthanxbai!

P.S.  My run this morning was so foggy that water droplets were building up on my eyebrows and eyelashes.  And the spiderwebs were standing out in stark relief under the street lights.  Neato!  Oh, and I pushed.  Hard.  Also neato.  In an I-didn't-die kind of way.

P.P.S.  I'm hungry!

12 in 2012: Books 2 and 3 = DONE

On Friday I finished Dragon's Fire by Anne McCaffrey.  I've read almost all of her Pern novels, and I love the series, but this one had gotten past me somehow.  Even better, I found it on my library's Overdrive offerings, so I was able to check it out for 2 weeks for free.  I was a little stressed about having to get through it in 2 weeks, but I got through most of it in breaks and on lunches (ok, and one afternoon because my Mom was in town and offered to take the baby until dinnertime), and I was so absorbed in it by Thursday evening that I knew I was going to "waste" time on Friday reading.  And I did.  And it was glorious!

Then when I was cataloging at work the other day, I ran across a YA novel that caught my attention.  I actually love to read YA novels.  They are great "beach" reads for me - usually 2-4 hours and done, nothing too mentally taxing, just good (good old day) stories.  So Catching Jordan by Miranda Kenneally became #3.  It was.... meh... but what a great way to waste a Friday!

Other updates:

Aunt Dollie moved into a skilled nursing facility on Saturday.  6 days after we thought she was dying.  The doctor even told her before she left the hospital that he was shocked that she lived.  Seriously.  The woman must be part cat.  Or Energizer Bunny.  Or something.

I'm over the worst of my sickness.  I've been feeling better since Saturday. 

I ran this morning.  It was a really great run.  About 55 degrees, and I just went out the door, ran for 2.75 miles, and back home.  I pushed from the halfway point on, and I really pushed the last few minutes.  I've come to the conclusion that I'm not pushing enough.  I will work to remedy that.

P and Z and I got family pictures taken on Saturday.  I'm so happy that we finally did it, and I'll probably regret not doing it earlier forever.  But at least we finally did it.  I think they came out really well, and am already plotting doing it again with Gaga and Papi, perhaps for Gaga's birthday, which nicely coincides with Z's 18 month birthday.

I have not managed to avoid eating out this month.  I think I've broken down 3 times so far, once when we were out and there was nothing at home and we were all starving, we got PF Chang's take-out, and I got something I knew was relatively healthy/low calorie, once when Aunt Dollie had her heart attack - hospital food, not healthy at all, but what was I going to do?, and once last weekend after we went to see Aunt Dollie, we went to Panda Garden, which has the BEST fried rice EVAR (and is the only Chinese place other than PF Chang's that I know of that doesn't use MSG) and it was sooooooo good and I don't feel guilty at all. :-)

Weight this morning: 133.8.  5 pounds down so far this month!  (And it got as low as 132.0 when I was sick and before I ate Panda Garden nomminess.)

The New Eating Plan

Mostly me focused, only a bit baby focused. :-)

Work days (M-R)
6: Oatmeal (150 cal, 5 g protein, 4 g fiber - this is my nod to the baby, this'll have more protein and fiber when I'm done breastfeeding because I'll switch to Kashi Go-Lean Vanilla oatmeal 150 cal, 9 g protein, 7 g fiber)
7: Coffee on the way to work (180 cal, 8 g protein, 1 g fiber)
9: Stonyfield Oikos (90 cal, 10 g protein, 0 g fiber)
11: Pringles (110 cal, 1 g protein, 1 g fiber) + Sargento string cheese (50 cal, 6 g protein, 0 g fiber)
2: Amy's cheese burrito (310 cal, 7 g protein, 11 g fiber) + banana (approx. 100 cal, 1 g protein, 3 g fiber) + Viactiv calcium chew (20 cal.)
5:30ish: Dinner
7ish: Dessert (right now most likely 3 milky way darks = 80 cal. or Mocha Cinnamon Pudding that I tried for the first time last week - higher cal (funny, website says 194, magazine said 176), but it feels like I get to eat it for a loooooong time, which is a really good thing and may be worth the extra calories.)
= 1200 calories (42 g protein, 16 g fiber) plus dinner

So far, so good:
Jan 1: 1222 intake calories, as tracked in MyFitnessPal
Jan 2: 1829 intake calories
Jan 3: I'm on track so far!  Oatmeal, coffee, oikos, pringles.  Saving the string cheese for after lunch!

I don't actually have a hard-and-fast goal calorie number.  I want to know how many I ate, I want to be more aware of my eating, and I'd like my net to be around 1700.  But that can kind of average around, too.  Goals this month are NO EATING OUT.  AT ALL (except one time when I'm taking my staff to lunch, pre-planned, and I'm the boss so I can't get out of it!).  And no cooking anything that I know will be massively incompatible with my goals.  I actually think a month of really nit-picking like this will do me a world of good.

On Vitamins

This conversation actually happened.  It was the day before Z's 1 year well-baby check-up.

"Are you giving Zoë her vitamin drops?"
"No, I haven't been for months - they were nasty, she hated them, and she just spit them out immediately.  I decided it wasn't a battle worth fighting."
"Are you going to tell the Pediatrician?"
"Of course."
"Good.  Maybe that's why she's such a small baby."
"What, because I don't give her vitamins?"
"Yes."
"That's BULLSHIT.  I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

Ironically, I heard this story on NPR on my way into work this morning.


People began taking vitamin supplements in the 1930's (shockingly little history on the supplement industry out there, sorry I resorted to Wikipedia which isn't exactly an authoritative source, but it does illustrate my point), and I can only assume widespread use didn't begin until later.  So that means that humans have managed to survive and thrive as a species without vitamins for how long?

MY BABY is NOT skinny because she doesn't get her daily vitamin drops.  She is skinny because her mom was naturally skinny (until she hit her mid 20's),  her dad was naturally skinny (until he got married), and genetically she comes from a long line of primarily not-fat people.  She was born skinny (perhaps because I ran while pregnant?), and according to her Pediatrician, as long as she stays in the same general percentage zone, there is no cause for concern.  Read: she's just a skinny baby.  Furthermore, she is breastfed, and I feed her a well-balanced diet of primarily organic solid food.  For the record, I did tell the Pediatrician that I don't give the Z her vitamins, and she didn't even bat an eyelash.

And, the American Academy of Pediatrics ONLY recommends a vitamin D supplement.  Which I was giving to the Z until the Pediatrician prescribed the nasty iron vitamin drops that made us quit altogether.  If I had done my proper research back then, I would have just bought a cheap OTC D supplement and kept calm and carried on.  Instead, I let myself get freaked out and had an over-reaction (to quit entirely).  I'll know better next time, but in the meantime, my kid is just fine.

I love this link.

Just eat a balanced, healthy diet of whole foods that you cook yourself.  Know what you're eating, and try to do a good job of getting a variety of foods.  That's it.  It isn't rocket science.  And you don't have to pad the pockets of shady vitamin companies.

Z's Diet

Yesterday was a no-nursing day because the meds they gave me for my root canal necessitated a pump-and-dump (oh, how that hurt my heart!).  But it was interesting to see how much the Z is currently eating.  She took 31.5 oz of breastmilk in 6 feedings, 1 oz of pear juice mixed with 1 oz water (for the baby belly), and 6 oz of solids in 2 feedings (2 oz breastmilk with oats, 2 with rice, and 1 oz each of mangos and peas).  And I think she might have been willing to take a little more milk at that last feeding, so 40 oz total is a good estimation.  I have quite the eater!!

Weekend Update

Friday: got up and hung out with the Z.  At some point, decided that I wanted to work on raking the yard.  Put her in the moby, layed down a thick comforter in the grass and put her on it, surrounded by toys.  Raked.  It was actually kind of cool: I was raking all the leaves into the empty spa-hole, both to fill it so we don't have to buy so much dirt and so I didn't have to bag all those leaves.  Honestly, it is so much more fun to rake without having to bag!!  After P got home I told him I wanted Jax, so we went for a burger.  And that was pretty much it for Friday.  Z went to sleep and I fell asleep on P's belly while he watched TV.  He had to browbeat me to wake up and pump when it was time to move to the bed.

Saturday we woke up early with Z.  I went for a nice run along the bayou.  I'll spare you the off-leash dog rant, but suffice to say I have reason to rant!  It was a beautiful morning for a run, though!  After I got back, I told P we should go ahead and head to the grocery store early, and that way it shouldn't be so insanely crowded.  I planned out 2 work weeks' menus (Sunday-Wednesday, Thursday is always eating-out because P has school) as such:
Week 1: Lemon Fishy, Mozzarella-stuffed sausage meatballs, Slow-cooker chicken and mushrooms, Wraps  Side dishes: Garlicky cream corn and spinach, sauteed mushrooms, mashed potatoes, carrots
Week 2: Maple Salmon, Meatloaf, Chicken Ceasar salad, Wraps
Side dishes: Broccoli and carrots in garlic butter, mashed potatoes, baked sweet potatoes
I'm holding ham, roast, stew, concoction, and mulligitawny in reserve to rotate in during the Fall/Winter, perhaps instead of wraps.  And, honestly, I'd like to put the meatballs and meatloaf on a less-often rotation.  Actually, if I had enough recipes that we really liked, I'd like to go to a 3 or even 4 week rotation so we don't get sick of anything.
Anyways, the store was excellently empty at 9am on a Saturday - we need to do that more often!!  Unfortunately, that was about the last useful thing we did on Saturday!  We went to Las Cascadas for lunch, so two days of bad eating for me, and then we walked over to Once Read Twice Sold where we bought 5 board books for Zoë and 1 for Mommy.  By the way, Z's current favorite book is The Mixed-Up Chameleon by Eric Carle.  She loves all the colors and the tabs make it easy for her to turn the pages.  She starts cooing the second we bust it out.  (Too bad it is a library book - might have to buy a copy of this one.)  Fell asleep on Preston for the second night in a row.

Sunday we worked around the house.  More work in the back yard, this time we brought out the big swing for the Zig to hang out in.  Laundry.  Just trying to get things done.

This week I want to try something different.  When I was preggo and all stressed about getting stuff done before the baby, we used to work for an hour after work on things around the house.  This was easy because we both knew we had a defined finish point, so we just worked as hard as we could for an hour.  I'm in the mood to try that again.  We'll see how it goes!

Net gain of 1 lb this weekend: 140.8  Bad eating = bad girl.

Goals

January Goal Review:

1.  Work out for at least 20 min per day EVERY DAY in January.  I quickly realized that I wasn't allowing myself the flexibility that I need to be a good mom.  (And a mom who sleeps.  And showers.)  So I changed the goal to 31 workouts in 31 days, allowing 2-a-days to make up for skipped days.  I still wanted to get in a workout on as many days as possible, though.
Result: After I do yoga (or go for a walk with my mom) this afternoon, 31 workouts in 31 days.  I skipped 7 days, working out on 24 individual days.  But I got in those 31 workouts.  I even did a core session or two that I didn't count, since those are only 10-15 minutes long.

2.  Complete EP5K upright, preferably running.
Result: Check.  Upright, ran every step.  Resounding success!

3.  Count calories every day.
Result: Check.  This isn't difficult with my Livestrong calorie counter app.  My purpose here was to rebuild awareness of what I'm putting in my body without putting pressure on myself or jeopardizing my milk supply.  Done.

4.  Start back to work.
Result: Check.

So I'm really quite pleased with myself regarding my January goals.  I didn't make any of my goals so strenuous as to be unachievable, but I did have to put in the work.

So what's on tap for February?

I have 2 goals:

1.  Do a core workout EVERY day.  I don't want to say 28 core workouts in 28 days, because core workouts are inherently less time consuming than full workouts, so I think they should be flexible enough to work in no matter what.  The bare minimum to count is 100 crunches.  I mean, come on, I can do that!!  I absolutely positively have to get some of my core strength back.  This goal reflects that desire/need, and hopefully will put enough of a focus on my core that I see some real improvement.

2.  No ice cream.  The calorie tracking last month revealed to me that I'm eating too damn much Blue Bell.  And it is difficult to track precisely, and probably one of the major reasons I didn't lose more weight last month.  There are plenty of other desserts that are super yummy and lower calorie and easier to track.  Like 1/4 cup of M&Ms at 210 calories.  3 Golden Oreos (super yummy!) at 170 calories.  When I eat ice cream I eat a minimum of 360 calories, so either one of these is a major improvement.  So there it is: no ice cream in February.

I'd also like to continue the good habits I started last month: lots of workouts, calorie tracking, and finish Couch to 5K.  Bring on February!

Full disclosure: weight this morning was 143.6.  I think it is a little high because of the race yesterday - it had been hovering around 142.  But officially 3 lbs lost in January.  My pie-in-the-sky hope for February is to crack back into the 130's.  *fingers crossed*

National Pie Day!

I must admit, National Pie day was hard on the diet.  In fact, the entire weekend was hard on the diet.  You see, I was very very good last weekend.  So I was ready to chow down this weekend.  And if there is one thing I've learned in dieting, total denial isn't good.  Within reason, if I feel the need to eat something "bad", then I need to eat it, or risk falling off the wagon hard.

So on Friday when P got home, I demanded Freebirds.  It was actually within my calories that day because of exercise and very low cal eating up to that point in the day.  Good for me!  (But I always suspect my calorie count is significantly less accurate when I go out, so I still count it as "bad".)

Then on Saturday I made roast and mashed potatoes.  This is my favorite meal.  Ever.  From its easiness to the way it makes my house smell to the childhood memories it conjures - if I know what my last meal is before I die, it would be my choice.  And I have to say, this time I made some damn fine mashed potatoes.  Yukon golds, with Molly MacButter, Smart Balance butter, and milk, somehow guesstimated into the perfect proportions for buttery smooth goodness.  Add the gravy from the roast and I was eating and grooving standing up in the kitchen.  No time to go sit!  Again with this meal, I don't think it is all bad, but I could have eaten fewer potatoes.

So when I saw all the tweets running around about National Pie Day, I wasn't sure I should ask P to go.  But it is exactly the kind of think I want to get out and take Z to, and that finally won me over.  I don't want Z to grow up in a boring and un-fun house because Mommy can't unclench and eat some good food occasionally!  P, both surprisingly and unsurprisingly, took a little convincing, too.  Surprisingly because I didn't think he'd turn down good food.  Ever.  Unsurprisingly because I know he doesn't really like to leave the house on Sundays, and because it was about a 20 minute drive.  But I won him over, and off we headed to the Heights.

The event benefitted the Houston Food Bank, and featured Oh My Pocket Pies and Mmm Cupcakes, among others.  They had savory pies, for a fee: I had a pot roast pie and a veggie pie, both super yummy.  They also had free dessert pies: I had a smore pie.  Omg, yummy.  Then I got a lemon cupcake, and tried P's red velvet cupcake.  Also omg yummy!  There was live music, so we danced with Z, and art to look at.  I'm really glad we went.  Here are some pics, and sorry, none of the food: I was too hungry to take the time!






Weight this morning was down, despite yesterday: 142.6!

My Own Damn Cake

Yesterday at work they busted out the leftover cake from the party I missed on Tuesday.

Now, you know I've been craving cake this whole pregnancy. I even dreamed about it. Can't remember if I blogged it at the time, but I had this dream I went to the supermarket and I was just standing at the cake counter ogling and smelling the cakes. Yuuuuuum, cake...

Anyways, for my own showers, I got a piece of my cake right before it was gone at the work shower, and as for the home shower, the cake was amazing, but I think the bakery put a pinch of cinnamon in the chocolate for the most amazing taste and the most INSANE heartburn... so even though I ate 2 pieces at the shower and brought 4 more home, I can't eat those 4 unless I want even less sleep than I currently get. Not cool.

I was really looking forward to a bite of cake at this party.

I even snuck into the back room and sniffed it before I went to the doc.

So anyways, just before lunch yesterday I'm sitting in my office and I hear them breaking out the cake. I figure someone'll come by and let me know it is out and offer me some since I missed the party. Wrong. I wait a few minutes, then wander out on my way to the bathroom, looking for the cake the whole time. I don't see it anywhere! I figure maybe I was just having some kind of cake delusion and sadly go back to my office. Then I hear some being offered to the volunteer!! WTF??? It must be out there somewhere. I go the the bathroom again and also check the back room. STILL NO CAKE. It was like torture!! Knowing there was cake out there, smelling it, and not eating it, UGH!!!

I got all pissy and went home and made my own damn cake. And I got to lick the bowl. And it didn't give me heartburn and I was able to drink milk with it and I bet it was better than their fancy store-bought cake. So there. :-Þ

Week 32

Cravings:

Cookies 'n' cream milkshakes (from Chick-fil-a). On Saturday night, I actually *cried* because I didn't have one. Seriously.

Aversions:
I don't care that it causes heartburn. Feed me!

Other symptoms:
I am really, really tired. Have been since last Thursday. Like can barely get out of bed in the morning tired. Preston left me home alone Saturday night and I was thirsty and still didn't get up to get myself water for over an hour (until I also had to pee, so the trip was worth it) tired. Tired! My friend, heartburn, is still with me, too.

Things bugging me:
Not really. I'm too tired to be bugged.

Current weight: 160.4

Renovations:
Got the carpet out of the hallway between guest and office. Moved all the tools from the nursery to the guest closet, because I just couldn't stand them in the nursery. Staged an impromptu reorganization/cleaning of the kitchen on Saturday, which has been a long time coming and was really rather productive. I've got a place for baby bottles/stuff now!


Other stuff:

Still doing C25K Week 2. I skipped last Friday because I was so tired, and when the alarm went off yesterday, I almost rolled over and went back to sleep. But I was glad I didn't: this tired thing doesn't seem to be going away, and running is still something I can really do for myself.

This morning I rode my bike on the trainer, as I've been doing at least once a week for the entire pregnancy, for what I fear may be the last time: my knees/thighs are attacking my belly!! Might be time to bust out the old recumbant...

My work baby shower is this afternoon!

Week 27, 28, 29 Pics

27 weeks front.
27 weeks side.
28 weeks.
29 weeks.

And, just for the record, my favorite preggo dinner (wheat tortilla, "fat" mayo, cheddar, provolone, swiss, ham, turkey, tomato, spinach, and sprouts):

Right now listening to Preston singing loudly while sealing guest/hall floors. Yay!!!