Thrush

Or, my breasts have some kind of vendetta against me.

On Sunday night, breastfeeding started to hurt again.  Badly.

I thought maybe it was a fluke.  Or a bad latch.  Or something.  Until it still hurt the next morning.  I powered through the whole day, until finally Monday night when Z woke up for an unusual 10:30 feeding, I could barely feed her.  It was like a return to the early days, only worse because the pain persisted through the entire 20 minute feeding.  I felt nauseous, dizzy, and awful.  Not like I was ill, but like I was in serious pain.

I called the OB first thing Tuesday morning.  By noon they had finally called me back and asked me to go in.  After 80 minutes of waiting, the doc walked in, talked to me for about a minute, took one look at my boobs, and said, "Oh, yeah, babe, you've got thrush."  Just like that.  Prescription for oral and topical treatments for me.  Call to Pediatrician for oral for the Zig.

Started taking the meds last night, but haven't noticed any improvement yet.  Have been doing some reading on the Interwebs, and find that I need to be sterilizing the hell out of everything.  Have seen some home remedies I might also add to the regimen.

This blows.  This is the first time since the beginning that I've seriously considered weaning.  But the difference is: now I know what breastfeeding can be, and now I don't want to.  I think it would be suckier to wean now than it would have been in the beginning when pain was all I knew.  I started crying last night in a panic that maybe I nursed her for the last time and it was that horribly painful god-awful 10:30pm feeding.  I DO NOT want that to be the last time I nurse my baby.  That is just wrong.  And I am still scared that that might be the case: even though I'm being treated, I'm exclusively pumping until the pain subsides.  What if she forgets how to latch?  What if it hurts when we start back up because my nipples have gotten a rest?  What if...?

Ugh.