Dreams

In the past two nights, I've had two vivid dreams, with images that I can remember after I wake (unusual for me).

I don't know what last night's dream was about, but I was left with one extremely vivid image: me wearing shorts with leg hair as long as a man's glinting in the sun (I'm a natural redhead). And I was embarassed about it - I knew I needed to shave. But in the dream that 2 months worth of hair growth had occurred in 1 week. Weird.

The dream from the night before was much more strange. I dreamt about Alan, who was my best friend for 6 years (last two of high school and all of college). The background story is that when I returned from my New Mexico archaeological dig after graduation, I gave him a call. He was visiting his parents (in the same town that I was in - not the same town he lived in), so I asked if I could drop by for a bit and see him before he went home and show him some pics from my dig and all that. He said no, he was too busy. I was pissed off and really hurt -- I had been gone for 3 months, I had missed him, I hadn't even been able to call since I didn't have a phone out in BFE, and he couldn't even spare 10 minutes to give me a quick hug and check out some pics?? Anyways, I never called him after that, because it is my nature when pissed/hurt to make the other person come to me, and he never called me either, and just like that, he was gone. That was, what?, more than 4 years ago. After a year or so, I stopped thinking about him and missing him, and I really haven't thought about him in a long time, now. So I was totally shocked when I had this dream that Preston and I were in line for a movie, but it was a really long line like an amusement park ride line, and I see Alan behind us as we are winding our way through it. I ignore him. (That's me, always the bigger person.) And then suddenly he comes up to us and starts talking. He apoligizes for losing touch, for not seeing me that day, etc. And that was it. It started raining on the line, and Preston and I go to find a seat at the top of some bleachers under a little overhang.

This dream brings up some important issues for me, though, that have been skating around in the back of my head for awhile now. Have I really gotten over everything that happened back in high school? Regarding some people, absolutely. But regarding others? When there was a feeling of betrayal, pain, loss, or shame -- I'm really not so sure. Will I go to my high school reunion in 2 years? If I do, will I still be this vengeful and bitter person inside? Will I portray the happy great-to-see-you person I want to be, or will I actually be that person? At what point does losing a friend stop hurting? Would I ever be able to look him in the face and pretend like none of it ever happened and make small talk?? I just don't know. And that bothers me. What do I need to do to get to that peaceful place with regards to every aspect of my life?