Redheaded

Redheads are famous for some things... short fuses and stubbornness come to mind.  I know that there are always exceptions to stereotypes, but I certainly fit this one, and at times have taken a certain level of pride in the stubbornness part, at least.  The short fuse has been an Achilles' heel for me, and I have worked and worked on managing my emotions and coping strategies and over the years I've lengthened that fuse (but goodness help anyone who is around when I reach the end!).

My mother-in-law is an exception.  I don't know why, but the woman just rubs me the wrong way.  All the time.  EVERY time.  I think about her and the fuse gets shorter.  I hear her name and it gets shorter.  I see her picture and shorter.  It is practically nonexistent when I have to breathe the same air as she does, and that is before she even opens her mouth.  Once that happens, wowza, it is an exercise in masking my emotions and playing nice like no other!  As long as she treats my husband and my child with the respect and love and truth they deserve, I manage.

An example (which triggered this blog): Preston turned out as a journeyman electrician on May 13th.  We went to a little ceremony where there was dinner and an open bar and they all walked across a stage and got a certificate.  Quite nice, really.  It wasn't your standard high school or college graduation in an arena where the whole family comes, it was a small by invitation journeyman+one little shindig.  We "checked in" to the hotel where it was happening on Facebook, and I posted pics of Journeyman Preston and we all had a nice time.

This morning, THIS MORNING, almost a month later, this comment shows up on the check-in on Facebook: "Where was your Mother?? No invitation??"

It took ALL I HAVE, it is taking ALL I HAVE not to reply to that comment.  In my mind this is a direct attack on P's character.  She's trying to make him look like an asshole for not inviting his mother.  And there are plenty of people who will see that post who won't know that he couldn't invite her - it wasn't that type of party.  WHY would you do that to your SON who you're supposed to LOVE?  I don't understand her mentality.  Even if you think your kid is an asshole who doesn't pay proper attention to you, do you really want to nag like that in a public forum?  And I resent the whole situation because I can't react to protect my husband without coming across like an asshole myself.  I want to say something about how WIVES get to be the plus ones.  About how only people get invited to events like this who supported the graduate, not people who call twice a year (on Mother's day and their birthday) to bitch about never getting phone calls and who visit once a year to see the Spurs play the Rockets and force their son and family to come downtown to meet them.  Inappropriate, I know.  But I even think a completely true, "Sorry, J, but this was an invitee+date party only," would come across assholish.


In a perfect world, I need to figure out what button it is that she pushes and find some way to protect it, mask it, disable it.  In the real world it is an exercise in controlling the emotions, because the fuse was lit as soon as I saw her name, and it had reached the end before I finished reading the comment.  Control the emotions.  Do not respond.  I am the bigger person here.  Responding only brings me to her level. 


Goodness, I hope for Z's sake that she doesn't conform to the stereotype!  But I hope for the peace and wisdom to teach her to deal with it if she does.  This is all just practice for the future.  This is all making me a stronger, better person.


Maybe Preston can remove her post, though, so I don't have to see it...