Long Time No Post

I have a good reason: stuff is really stressing me out.  And when you don't have anything nice to say, well, disappear from the blogosphere.  Ha!

But really, this blog is for me.  It is cathartic for me to throw out the things that are bothering me into the universe.  Even if I look like a Negative Nellie sometimes.  I'll tell you a secret: sometimes I am.  But sometimes I'm not.  Life seems to roller coaster into peaks and valleys for me.  Welcome to the valley.

So, without further adieu, stuff that's stressing me out, in no particular order:

• AD is bad.  I don't think she is going to make it much longer.  We went to see her last weekend and they are making her sleep with this thing on her face.  Not intubated, because she wouldn't want that, but I think it creates like a positive pressure that forces air into her lungs?  It looks super scary.  And she's pretty out of it.  

• P's dad just got diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic prostate cancer with mets to the bones.  He's undergoing hormone therapy and radiation treatment.  But I couldn't resist googling it.  And what I saw, well... it sucks.

• P's grandmother, who is far away, also has cancer.  We get varying reports from JaMIL on any given week, but they are usually bad.

• Speaking of JaMIL, she's coming to town on Wednesday.  To see AD.  Because I guess after a month in the hospital it is worthwhile for her to show up.  (/sarcasm)

• P got news on Thursday that he is getting furloughed, starting today.  For 3 weeks.  Then he'll get called back to a temporary gig, then...?  It is the ? that I'm worried about.  3 weeks we can do.  Long term layoff would uber-suck.

• I spent 2 weeks being a single parent in the evenings so that P could go see AD every night.  I love my baby, and I love AD, but I DO NOT love being a single mommy.  No siree.  Not after a full day of work.

I've had lyrics from Blue October's "Into the Ocean" stuck in my head for days now.  I keep singing it and playing it over and over:

I want to swim away but don't know how.
Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean.
Let the waves up take me down.
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah.
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down,
Let the rain come down.

The feelings.  I just have so many feelings.  I almost feel like I'm in high school again, or college.  So angsty.  I'm trying to feel and release - let the rain of what I feel right now come down.  I'm trying.  But this is A LOT.  It is just a lot right now.