My Dear Baby Zoë,
There is so many serious medical issues going on in your Daddy's family. Aunt Dollie, Mawmaw, and now Papa. Daddy and I aren't expecting to have anything go wrong, but after seeing Aunt Dollie worried about her will, and Nana not knowing a lot of stuff that would leave her in a bind if Papa died... well.... Daddy and I are going to get ourselves to a lawyer and get a will.
A will for us isn't really complicated. Each of us gets everything, or if we both die, you get everything. It isn't rocket science for a little family like ours. The biggest decision is really who would take care of you if you lost us both. We have a lot of good people in our life, so the problem isn't that no one is there, it is simply figuring out who would raise you like we would, or like we would want.
And that led me to this letter. Baby girl, if I'm not here tomorrow, here is what I've learned.
I want you to play in the mud. And enjoy it.
I want you to take classes in things that interest you. Keep them up if you love them, or move on if you don't. But explore the world. I took classes in ballet, tap, gymnastics, piano, and voice, and violin.
Which leads me nicely to: play an instrument. Any one you want. And if you hate it, try another. Being in band was one of the best, most fun things I ever did. It was also one of the more difficult: from band I learned how to practice hard over a long period of time - how to work towards something.
I regret that I didn't do a sport. I wish I had, and so I hope that you do. I think playing on a team would teach similar lessons as band did, but in a different way. I also think it would set you up for a lifetime of healthy living.
I want you to eat whatever you want. But in reasonable, moderate portions. If you are like me, you'll be able to eat whatever you want until you are in your mid-20's. Enjoy that! Then after that, be reasonable, be moderate, and be healthy. I don't want you to fight to be a stick-figure, but obesity leads to many challenges that I also don't want for you. I want you to live a long and healthy life.
I want you to be given your first car, but I want it to be inexpensive (but reliable) and used. And I want you to drive it all the way through college. Then once you have your first job, if you want a newer better car, you can buy it yourself with your own money. There are a few reasons for this: most teenagers get into wrecks. I know you have probably grown up to be a very responsible teenager, but bad things can also happen to good people, and your lack of experience dictates a less valuable car. Plus, the insurance cost on a newer, nicer, more expensive car would be insane. I want to buy you a car and insure it for you. But I need to be able to afford it.
I want you to go to college. I want you to have fun there, but also work hard and get good grades. There is time enough for both things. Get a degree in something you love and are passionate about. If that something isn't the most lucrative... also get a back-up degree in something that makes you easily employable in a field that earns decent money. Get both degrees NOW, the first time you're in college, and trust me that this is a good idea. It will be much more difficult to go back to college later.
When you buy your first house, you want your monthly mortgage payments to be less than 25% of your monthly take home pay. If you walk into an older house and see how beautiful it *could be*, then you are going to spend A LOT of money on that house. Plan accordingly.
Marry only one person. And don't have a child until you are with that person. In fact, don't have a child until you have been married to that person for a few years. Your Gaga's rule for me was no babies until I was 30. I broke her rule a bit: I married your Daddy when I was 26, and had you when I was 29, but close enough. Your Gaga wasn't saying this because she didn't want grandbabies. In fact, she desperately wanted grandbabies. But she wanted me to be in a good place in my life for you. And I was. I want that for you too.
I want you to take vacations. Travel. See the world.
I want you to have the freedom to choose your religion. Or lack thereof. Don't follow the crowd on this one. Religion is an intensely personal choice. Only you know what you need to believe in your heart to make this world a better place for you. Believe that.
Your name, Zoë, means life. Your father and I chose it for you because we believe that life is the most sacred thing. It isn't to be wasted. Live every day to the fullest.
I love you with all my heart. I always will. And if you are reading this because I'm gone, then I'm sure my last thought was for you. I love you.
Mama
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