Mind Blown, Kemo Sabe

I had lunch with a dear friend yesterday.  I wanted to pick her brain, tell her my situation, because she has relevant experience that I hoped she would share.

She did.

And I have to say, she blew my mind.

Where the entire world (it seems, which is funny because beyond this blog only like 5 people know, and isn't really true, either - I didn't feel this from J or B - I guess I have a tendency to dwell on the more negative reactions?) has risen up in shock and protest, she nodded sagely and told me she figured.  She figured!  She figured a long time ago.  Before the baby.  Then she apologized for saying that, but no, NO!  I wanted her to say that.  I needed her to say that.  Because she is the kind of friend that speaks the truth, even when it is hard to hear.  But in this case, a truth that many would have taken offense to happened to be exactly what I needed to hear.

Because, in moments of weakness, I question if I'm remembering everything correctly.  I wonder if I'm constructing a reality, constructing a past?  But when she said that to me, it reaffirmed to me that no.  NO.  I am in my right mind.  These things were there before the Great Catalyst.  They were there enough to be visible to (a very intuitive) someone else.  That isn't just a little thing.  That is huge.  That is telling.  That is real.

It blew my mind.

She didn't try to direct my path.  She just listened and told me that she could see that I was considering all of the angles, and therefore whatever decision I made she was certain would be the right one.  But as a woman with experience on these roads, she warned me that I may question my decision, even after it is made, for a long time.  I can believe that.  She also told me to take my time.  And I am.  I am trying.

And I am so grateful to her.  And to the Universe, which seems to be sending me exactly what I need when I need it.

I am still feeling weak, raw in my emotions.  But I am stronger than I was at the beginning of this week.  I am staying the course.