On (Lack of) Motivation

My Kid is sick.

I'm not gonna lie: it was a rough, ROUGH weekend.  The kind where she basically was an emotional basketcase.  Horrible.  All we wanted was for her to go to sleep.  For the silence.  And peace.

Of course P and I got it too.

So then we're sick and dealing with it.

My plan was to run on Friday.  P90X on Sunday after I got to AD house.  P90X Monday morning.

I did none of those things.

And honestly when I woke up this morning and turned over and went back to sleep, it felt goooooood.

The dangerous, dangerous bit is the part of me that thought, "Oh, well, I missed Sunday and Monday, that's practically half the week, I may as well throw in the towel for the rest of the week.  Let myself "recover"."


UPDATE:
Z went back to the doctor on Tuesday and it was pneumonia AND an ear infection.  Lovely.  (She had been last week and they said cold.  Lovely.)

My lungs tightened up massively on Tuesday.  Feels sort of like bronchitis.  Still no fever though.  I am throwing in the towel on the week, but I think I have crossed the line from lazy to really trying to do what is right for my body.  But of course, starting back up next week will be a beast.  But I WILL do it.

End of the World Half Race Report and My First DNF

This was the first of my back-to-back Halfs that I targeted as my A races for the winter season.

I was excited, but nervous.  I knew I had the Half in me, but 2 in two days!??  So the goal for this one was to go out and leave reserve in the tank for the next day.  Basic plan was 9/1s for the first loop, then 4/1s after that.  But I knew I'd be running with Billy, so I wanted to stay flexible.

There was a little fiasco getting to the start.  My GPS app wasn't working properly.  I drove around for like 30 minutes and had a complete freak out.  Had to call P who did "Find My iPhone" to locate me and lead me there.  And this was on Waze, not on me, damnit.

Got there, funny location - this apartment complex that was never finished and all rotting - truly looked like the end of the world, picked-up packet (awesome, AWESOME swag: duffel bags, hat, tech-T, the works!), found Billy who was brilliantly standing in a totally visible location.

Was cold, cold, cold.  Ditched my sweatshirt about 5 minutes before the start, but such a small, cool race that it was still there when we finished. :-)

So this was a trail race.  I know it was KIND OF on the website, but I was expecting it to be like the Texas Marathon, on sidewalk trails, not TRAILS.  So dude.  Wow.  Wasn't really trained for trails.

Started running with Billy.  And talking.  Spilled my guts to him about EVERYTHING that has been going on.  And I do mean everything.  But he is totally awesome and a trooper and had all my problems solved by mile 11. :-)

He is also definitely still faster than me, but was using me to prevent himself from going out too fast so he'd be fresh on day 2.  Ha!

So everything was going great, nice scenery, good company, but around 11 my right knee started hurting basically where it did the last time I was injured.  On the outside.  We started walking way more than running, and I got way more upset than I normally would when the course was almost a mile long, because I knew I needed to get off that knee asap if I was going to have any hope of running the next day.

Well, we finally finished, and THE MEDALS!!!

I immediately pounded ibuprofen and headed home to rest, eat, and try to get myself in order for the next day.

The short story is that my knee didn't hurt to walk, so the next day, I showed up and tried, but the very first running step I took I knew I was screwed.  I told Billy I'd try for a mile.  Then he talked me into 2.  And then it seemed like it made sense to just try to make it through the first loop.  We were almost entirely walking and it took us almost 2 hours, but I did make it.  I wrestled so much with the idea of DNF'ing.  I've never done that before.  I felt the shame of starting something and not finishing it.  But at the same time, I knew I was hurt and if I didn't stop I was risking a long layoff from running that might not be completely necessary if I just listened to my body NOW and stopped torturing it.  And so, when we came to the end of that first loop, I DNF'd.  And it SUCKED.  Powerfully.  But there was also this strange undercurrent of pride that I had because, for once, I tried to listen to my body and do the right thing.

So there it is. I didn't make my 12 races in 2012 goal by about half a race.  But I went down fighting, and think, hope, I grew from the experience.  And I am proud of that.

8 Pounders

Last weekend I bought new dumbells, 8 pounders.  I've been using 5lb weights for P90X, and although that has left me trembling and noodley, I have never lifted to failure with 5lbs, and in the last week or two I've noticed dramatic gains in my lifting ability to the extent that I was no longer getting trembling and noodley after my favorite P90X Arms & Shoulders workout.  So I figured it was time to mix it up.

O. M. G.

I have definitely *definitely* now lifted to failure.  Tony Horton's all: "Evvvvvvverybody does 16 reps!" and I'm all: "Duuuuuuude, I just knocked out 4 and I literally CANNOT lift the weight again."

It was awesome. :-)

But I do need to bring my 5's to AD house as well, because there are some moves, like the flip grip tricep extensions, that I literally just cannot do with 8's.  And also, maybe I could lift to failure with 8's and then bang out a few more reps with 5's?

I'm excited about this!

And trembling and noodley. :-)

The Long Awaited Book Review Post

Playing Dead by Julia Heaberlin:
I enjoyed this one.  Was occasionally a little confused on the plot, but was always eventually led out.  Really liked the voice of the writing, and the depiction of Texas.  There were several quotes where I was just all, "Texas!" complete with fist pump.  Highly recommended.

Prisoner of Heaven by Carlos Ruiz Zafron:
I was a little disturbed by the occasional obviousness that books that I hadn’t read were written about these people and this world before.  I also, at times, had trouble following the thread of the story.  Fermin’s story was really engaging, but the rest of it was just meh for me.

Restoration by Olaf Olaffson:
Spoiler alert: not a fan of this one.  Was interested to see what would happen, but do NOT care to read about dying kids, affairs, husbands that loved people and then died and were rotting ON THE PROPERTY.  Nope.

Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving by Jonathan Evison:
I didn’t expect to like this one.  It seemed like such a downer.  But I immediately liked the “realness” and humor of Ben’s voice and through that I felt for him.  I also loved the story lines, Trev finds a crush, Ben finds forgiveness for HIMSELF, which is the most important thing of all.  Highly recommended.

Tigers in Red Weather by Lisa Klaussmann:
Loved the shifting points of view in sections, so you get the story from one, then some overlap and additional info from someone else, etc.  Loved Nick’s feeling of detachment that felt so real to me.  Thought it was a lovely book, great read.  Didn’t like the last maybe… 5 pages, though.  The ending was just…wtf??  Recommended.

Sandcastle Girls by Chris Bohjalian:

I really enjoyed this book.  Loved the juxtaposition of modern and the story.  Did not expect what the secret was.  Occasionally was very aware that bits of the story were being written as fiction and found that a little jarring, but it was written into the story that way.  Very engrossing treatment of an underrepresented and horrifying historical event with a very satisfying ending.

Goodbye for Now by Laurie Frankel:
Loved, loved, loved, LOVED.  Solid 4+ stars until I read the ending and then, crying, BOOM, 5 stars.  That and when I went back and looked at how many passages I had highlighted, WOW!  READ THIS.  Do not pass go - it is worth the $200.

Finished Fallen Angels last night.  Will review with February's reviews.  Working on Killing Moon now.