On Considering a Second, Part Deaux

Subtitled: "The Pregnancy Scare".

So let's just say that it is possible that I'm pregnant.  If I'm pregnant, I'd be about, oh, say exactly a week-and-a-half pregnant.

TMI warning: I have not had a period since having the Z.  So there is no way to know if I'm fertile, and there is no period to "miss" to indicate pregnancy to me.

Things that make me think I'm pregnant: I've been super moody the past few days (not normal at this level), I'm tired (so tired I could hardly pry my eyes open this morning), I'm crampy/nauseous today, I have been more sore than I should be from opening boxes/working out for longer than I should be, I *feel* pregnant, all these "symptoms" are exactly as I felt with Zoë.

Things that make me think I'm not pregnant: I could be moody because I'm getting my period back, I could be tired because I'm returning to 6 hrs of sleep from a vacation of 9 hrs a night, I could be crampy because I'm starting my period or because I ate something bad, *feeling* pregnant is just a weird mental thing, I am lacking one symptom (sore boobs) that I felt with Zoë, and I've noticed no change in my milk supply, I took a pregnancy test yesterday morning and it was negative (But I think it might be too early??).

All this really brought around the debate over having a second.  I was actually settling into a phase of being totally satisfied with only having 1 and not wanting a second, oh the irony!  Let me start by saying that it is ok if I'm preggo.  It would be an "accident", but a happy one.  But when I realized that I thought I might be, I had frantic thoughts about how totally irresponsible we were for not thinking this through more!  I mean, we have the Z to think about now, we aren't just having another baby for ourselves, she's going to be forever affected by our decisions as well, and we just did what we did and might be what we might be now.  Crazy/heavy stuff.

All of the advantages/disadvantages of having 2 and timing and all that from my previous post (which, btw, was totally hormone-fueled, because it subsided eventually) still stand.  This is really just about the mental uncertainty that a pregnancy "scare" can really bring to the surface for me.  I wish I knew for sure.  I'll test again in a week or so (or I'll get my period), and we'll know for sure.  But this limbo is crazy-making.  Crazy-making!

If we aren't pregnant now, I still haven't swung one way or the other on the Great Considering a Second Debate.  This experience has changed nothing, as far as that goes.  Which may mean that any/all babies born into my family need to be happy accidents, because I don't know if you truly can ever logic your way into a baby!