Sometimes I feel... I don't know if nostalgic is the right word.
I think it may be born in loneliness?
Did you know starting a new job is lonely? Both lonely and for the introverted, frighteningly not-lonely. Lonely because you don't know your place, and you don't know these people, so even if they are actively trying to include you, there is no familiarity or trust. So energy-draining.
I think when I'm in this mental space, I have a tendency to look back on those who have been important in my life and miss them. Or maybe not miss them, but miss that sense of what we had. Or maybe sometimes not even miss what we had. Maybe just sort of wonder at it. Like wow, that happened. That happened so long ago - was it really real?
I have a tendency to lose people. I think it is because I am not a reacher-outer. There are some who have passed out of my life who were vitally important in making me who I am today.
Sometimes when I'm in this place, I think of them and I wonder: do they think of me? Did I impact them as they did me?
2 comments:
You are missed. I think about you nearly daily, and I know I'm not the only one.
I also know this is a much better place for you to be, so there's no resentment. :-)
Sending you love.
I miss you too Grasshopper!
Do you remember the heart you knitted me after the office-using pact we had way back when? It is hanging in my new cube. I look at it and remember you, but I also want you to know that it helps me to remember that I made a difference once, and I can do it again, even if I don't know how yet. <3
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