On the Tat

I got asked recently if I ever did an Ironman, would I get the tattoo.

My answer was yes.  Yes, I would.  But I want to explain why.

Triathlon has changed the way I view my body.  My body is a machine.  My body is a tool that can be built, improved, honed.  That has translated to a sort of biomechanical concept in my head.  I once saw a biomechanical foot tattoo that I just thought was the coolest thing ever for a runner.  I saved it for reference, because it is that idea, that imagery dominates my thoughts when I think about the components of my body.

When I think of completing a triathlon, let alone an Ironman, I think of the journey.  Months of preparation, workouts, obstacles to overcome just to get to race day.  Then race morning, the nerves, even fear, before you even go into the water.  And the water, into the fray.  Arms flailing, getting kicked, beaten, and having to carve your own path through the fear and the chaos to come out the other side.  Then coming out, dizzy, trying to find your running legs, but just for a minute before you hop on the bike.  On the bike, for me, more fear.  More fear because I'm a total spazz and always in danger of a crash.  Fear to overcome.  The struggle to stay in my head and pedal my own race as everyone and their dog passes me.  Then finally to the run.  Body, legs weighted down by bricks.  Tired.  But out I go and start reeling people in.  Running is always a struggle for me.  Pace myself.  Try not to give in to the urge to walk.  And finally the finish.  I don't go out to participate in triathlons because they are easy.  I go out to prove to myself that I can.  Both physically, but more importantly, mentally.

For me, triathlon is about proving my strength.  It is obviously a physical test, but for me, it has always been more of a mental test.  I am not trying to prove anything to anyone else - I mean, I'm never going to win anything - I'm trying to prove something to my own self.  That I can train through adversity.  That I can perform.  That I can keep going when every cell in my body and mind is telling me to stop, because I know I can.  It is about trusting myself.  Trusting my training.  Trusting my body and mind.  And there is strength in that.

When I think of strength, I think of the spine.  I'm not sure why, but I think of a long, straight spine.  And in my head, I've always associated the metal iron with that.  "Iron spine" in my head is strength.

So, with all that said, if I ever complete an Ironman, if I ever become an Ironman, I will get the tattoo.  But it will be a biomechanical tattoo located on my upper back, and the m-dot will be just one component worked into the whole.  Because completing an Ironman would only be one piece, one evidence of my strength.  The tattoo would not be to tell the world about my Ironman.  Or my strength.  The tattoo would be a personal celebration of that journey, that strength.  A beautiful reminder every day of what my body and mind are capable of.  And sometimes, when my back is exposed, yes sometimes, maybe a story to tell people as well.