Dear Zoë

Dear Zoë,

It has been a long time since I've written you a letter on here.  I think a lot of that is because I settled into the routine of being your mom.  Also because you became a kid.  A whole thinking talking imagining kid, and developments seemed less stark individually in the light of your whole self.

But now, now, kid, you are about to start "real" school.  Not for 3 more months, don't panic!  But we did Kindergarten round-up this week and it is getting real.  I got that feeling, filling out the MOUNTAINS of paperwork, the feeling I got in the hospital when I was 8 months pregnant and signing my admission paperwork (so I didn't have to while I was laboring) and I flipped out because I signed a form authorizing them to treat you.  You, this human I hadn't even met yet!  I signed as Parent for the first time and then I sat there and cried, because that made it real for me.  Real in the same way that Kindergarten round-up was real.

A lot of moms seem to kind of freak out on sending their kids to Kindergarten.  I'm not actually sure why.  Maybe I'm immune to it since you've been in "school" since you were 6 months old?  But that can't be it since one of the other moms was totally crying at school the other day about her kiddo starting K.  I think it is just me - this is the next logical step for you.  You are ready.  I welcome this next step.   Don't get me wrong.  I'm going to miss your wonderful teacher and extended care and summer care and not having to worry about when I schedule things because I can have you whenever I want.  But the same way when I was 39 weeks pregnant and I was ready for you to GET OUT OF MY BELLEH, I am ready for you to start school.  It is time!

So where am I going with this?

Well... you're really advanced.  Like, literate.  You can read.  You've been able to read for a while, but lately it is very very clear to me that you can READ.  Like slap a book in front of you that you've never seen read.  And one day last October we asked your Gaga's little neighbor who is in K this year at the same school you'll be going to what he learned that day and he said he learned his letter C, and kid, I'm not sure K is the right place for you.

So when we went to Kindergarten round-up, I chatted with the Counselor about starting you in 1st grade instead, and she said you have to take a test.  I went back a few days later to sign you up and I spoke with her some more, and lo and behold I found MY freak out.  I'm not scared of you starting school.  I'm scared of this test.  Not because I don't think you'll pass.   I want what is best for you - I want you to be appropriately placed, whether K or 1st grade, no worries!  I'm freaking out because I cannot picture taking you up to a room full of strangers and sending you inside to take a test.  And what will the test be like?  Surely they won't sit you down with some sort of booklet and expect you to work through it like every standardized test I've ever taken, right??  I mean.... you're trying to test out of Kindergarten, for heaven's sake!  But then what if it is verbal?  You are so shy sometimes and I'm afraid that you won't answer or show your true abilities.  Gah!  I don't know what to prepare you for, what to picture, and I'm freaking out on it!

Then, this morning, I had a parent-teacher conference with your current teacher, and sweetheart, I am so proud of you.  She said that she literally had discovered new work in her classroom that she didn't even know she had because you and your best friend together are the most advanced students she has ever had.  She said she isn't worried about you taking the test academically at all.  She said you can read.  You are working with numbers up to 9999, adding and subtracting in the thousands.  She has started talking about MULTIPLICATION with you for goodness sake.  I didn't do multiplication til I was 8!  She said she will work on reading comprehension, which is first grade work, a little more with you before the test in case my fears are founded and it is the hand-you-the-booklet type.  And she will talk about new situations to try to help you with the shy.  And she cried and said she is going to miss you so much.  That is such an amazing thing, Zoë.  To have an adult who has worked with hundreds of kids in her career say that YOU are the outstanding one.  YOU are the one that stretched her as a teacher.  She is so proud of the work YOU have done. 

I do not know how all of this will turn out.  I do not know what grade you'll start in the fall.  But either way we are going to make it work.  Either way I know you're going to excel because you have it in you.  You are smart; you are determined; you are brave; you are kind.  I am looking forward to this next adventure with you.  I am so very proud of you.

Love you duv you coko,
Mommy