I ran! And made a crazy goal.

Twice to be precise.

I ran last Tuesday afternoon.  I left work early, I hadn't exercised, and I just... wanted to.  So I grabbed my handy C25K app and set it on week 5 day 1 - that's warm-up, 5 min run, 3 min walk, rinse, repeat 3 times.

It went well!  And I was so happy.  I was hoping that with all of the P90X3 and Booty Barre and Boot Camp, etc, that I wouldn't need to start from Day 1.  And I didn't!

Then my Friday Booty Barre class got cancelled.  I was all dressed out and ready to go, so I ran again.  On Tuesday I felt like I didn't need the full 3 minute walk break.  And I've been experimenting with RunKeeper, and noticed that it gives you an update every 5 minutes.  So I decided to use that to my advantage and run 4/walk 1, queuing off the app. I managed a full 5K in 7 repetitions.  And though I was getting quite tired, I really felt like I could have kept up that pattern for a while longer. 

So I was very pleased with that run as well!

I have 2 5Ks scheduled in April.  One as a part of my annual conference for work, and one that was originally scheduled back in January that got moved.  It is good to know that I will survive!  I'm going to try to get in at least 2 runs a week between now and then, so that maybe I can do more than survive.

I think my goals, longer term... this year is Thanksgiving in Dallas.  So I will be at 8 miles by November.  In a really cool perfect world, I'd really really like to be at 10 miles by October so I can run 10 for Texas.  But I will not push for that if I have issues.  I do not want to go over 10 miles this year.  I want to stay at 8-10 and focus on complete running and maybe a bit of speed over shorter distances.  Because....

I want to run the Texas Independence Relay next year.

Eeep!  I said it.

The longest legs of the relay are just under 7 miles, so my goal is to get solid again in the short distances, then as it approaches, run some doubles so I can get the legs used to being tired.

I've actually coerced convinced, I think, 4 people already in joining my craziness.  Any other interested crazies awesome runners?

State of the Union

February was a busy month for us.

We got a lot done at the old house.  We had movers, for only a few hours, but I worked to make the most of it.  We also had the floors put in.  Outstanding is sheet rock repair and painting, and getting the rest of our junk out.  My goal is to have it ready to go on the market by the end of March.

We also, and partially as a result, got a lot done on the new house.  Continuing to unpack and settle in.  I have a ton of boxes in the garage to go through, but I'm satisfied to do that slowly.  The movers mean that the furniture situation has filled out nicely - in fact, when I sat down to write this, I was really pleased with how far the place has come in a month.  I finally (FINALLY) selected a color for the master bed/bath.  They shall be: Rhino and Pensive Sky.  Heh.  Z's room finally has curtains!  All of the books/DVDs/CDs are either unpacked or stacked in closets for longer term storage!  We have a guest bed now!  And a desk!  It is really coming along.

In terms of diet/exercise, I've also had a pretty satisfying month.  Weight loss - well, I'm still bouncing around a little.  Frankly I think I'm in the 137's, but the official weight on the first was 138.6.  (Grr, weekends, undoing all my progress!)   Even more importantly, I only missed FOUR days of exercise this month!  Annnnnnd, I'm really starting to feel the progress.  I'm feeling stronger in my core, and that's where I love to feel it.  So even though those numbers are dropping only ever so slowly, I am pleased with where I'm headed and how I'm getting there. 

I got another bomb dropped on me at work, and frankly, there I've really been struggling.  I have to look right now to my kid, my lovely new house, my exercise, and everything I'm accomplishing to keep me going right now.  And I am.  And it is working.

Goals for March:
Keep exercising!  Booty Barre will end, so it'll be time to start pole dancing. ;-)  I've got one more week in this P90X3 cycle, then a "rest" week, then a new cycle, so I'm looking forward to all of that! 
Get the old house on the market.
Keep working on the new house.
Get the tax info together (BOOO).

February Reading Recap

The Road to Bayou Bridge by Liz Talley: Romance, meh.  Saw it at work and was intrigued, but not really my kind of romance.

Three Little Words by Susan Mallery: Romance - standard Mallery fare.  I like her because I know exactly what I'm getting, and that can be a good thing, sometimes.  Didn't feel as emotionally invested in the pay-off as I'd have liked, this time, though.

Crocodile on the Sandbank by Elizabeth Peters: LOVE.  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  My dad recommended this to me years and years ago.  I should always read everything my dad recommends because he is always right about books I'll love.  Seriously.  I listened to this one on audiobook.  It took me a bit to adjust to the language, but once I did, it was lovely.  And it took me a bit to adjust to the narrator, whose Amelia sounds a bit like Catherine Hepburn, but so very appropriate to the character.  Love it!

Parcel by Austin Quinn: a self-published book that I got for free from Amazon.  I thought it was a really cool concept.  It just really really needs an editor.

Curse of the Pharaohs by Elizabeth Peters: Still more LOVE.  Her description when she met Ramses for the first time after a number of months was EXACTLY how I sometimes feel about my child.

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson: No secret that I love everything by Sanderson. This was no exception.  Loved it!  Can't wait for the next installment!

The Mummy Case by Elizabeth Peters: Love, but not in all caps this time.  I think this will turn into a comfortable series now that the novelty is wearing off.

Carnivorous

I had what I thought was the compliment the other day, "You're quite the little carnivore".

I was a vegetarian for a number of years.  I should preface this entire thing with that.  I used to be a vegetarian.  And then for a while, when I was un-vegetarianing myself, I only ate fish.  So I am NOT judging the lifestyle.  Not at all.  I am no longer a vegetarian because it didn't work for me.  I wasn't getting enough protein, plain and simple.  And in my head - well, it just wasn't healthy in my head.  I was using it as a crutch to support unhealthy restrictions on my food.  Not quite anorexia, but something in that vein.  So I had to stop. I chose to stop.  I completely respect people who can pull it off.  Even moreso because I am not one of them.  So with that said...

It is true, I eat more meat now than I think I ever have at any other stage in my life.

What does that mean, exactly?

Well.  I never ever eat meat for breakfast.  Even the smell of meat in the morning makes me feel ill.  I also rarely eat meat more than once a day.  And there is at least one, but usually two, days in the week in which I eat no meat at all.  I eat 4 meals a day Mon-Thurs, and 3 Fri-Sun.  That means I eat 25 meals per week.  At most.  At MOST I eat 5 meat meals per week, and only 1, sometimes 2 of those are red meat.  So 20% of my meals, tops, have meat.

This person actually proceeded to tell me that they were thinking about becoming a vegetarian.  That the lovely smell of meat cooking was really just fat and salt.  They asked me if raw meat grossed me out pre-cooking.

And I felt judged.  Defensive.  I still feel judged and defensive even though the conversation is over.  I actually approached them later and told them how they made me feel and they apologized, especially since they're not a vegetarian yet and they were therefore being totally hypocritical.  But I can't seem to get it out of my head.

Is eating meat wrong?

I don't think so - I think it is in our biology to do so.  Now, the way our meat is obtained nowadays - that is arguably wrong.  But the act of eating meat itself - no, that's just survival.  You could argue that we no longer need to eat meat to survive - we have so many other choices.  And that is true.  You clearly don't NEED to.  There are plenty of people who don't.  But in line with the rest of my dietary maxims, I'd argue for all things in moderation.  I think we evolved to eat meat.  I think meat is the better choice to meet my protein needs. I am not interested in trying to further evolve our species - I've already completed procreating, so anything else I do is moot at this point anyways. ;-)  But most importantly:  I feel better when I eat all things in moderation, both physically and mentally.

So yes, carnivorous.  And proud.  (And working on removing defensive from the adjectives describing me.)

Why???

So I arrived for Boot Camp today only to discover that it had been moved from the Basement to the 4th Floor.

I looked at my fellow boot camper and said, "Well, the stairs'll be a nice warm-up, right?"

She demurred.

SERIOUSLY????

You're about to go let a giant dude kick your ass for the next hour, but you're not gonna climb 4 flights of stairs??

(I beat her to the 4th floor, btw.)

Sigh.

January Reading Recap

Divergent/Insurgent/Allegiant by Veronica Roth: Listened to on audiobook and loved.  It is funny because a blogger I respect totally slammed the trilogy as being all teen angst.  Well... it is.  But, BUT, it has a message.  A number of good messages, really, delivered in an interesting way.  I must admit that by the end I was all, "Really?  You need to lead ANOTHER uprising?  How many of these things can happen to YOU?"  So what started out as a 5 star series for me worked its way down to a 4.  But looking back at Goodreads, I was writing down quotes all over the place.  Which for me is the highest compliment.  It is good.  Highly recommended.

Fan Art by Sarah Tregay: This was a nice YA read.  Elevated a bit by the subject matter, but not super special.  I enjoyed it.

Wait for You/Be with Me/Trust in Me by J. Lynn: Teen romance, lol!  But well-loved teen romance, and I enjoyed it too.

I clearly went with a YA themed January.  YA is my go-to beach read, steady enjoyment, mental break space.  It was lovely!!  I do have plans to graduate back to adulthood for February, though...

2014 running book total: 7

Slow and Steady

I'm another pound down.  138.6.  I briefly flirted with the 137's at the end of last week and I was pretty excited about it, but no matter... it'll come eventually.

I'm thinking I've reached the first plateau, which was expected.  I know my body was responding to the sheer shock of daily exercise and restricted calories.  Now is when the real work begins.

As for last week's exercise, it looked like this, starting Sunday:
Tae Bo
P90X: Arms & Shoulders
Tae Bo
Bike
Tae Bo
Booty Barre
Saturday I was nicely sore and I did a ton of work on both the old house and new, so no exercise.
Sunday was a true day of rest.

This week I'm going to try to add a few double days, on Tuesday and Thursday... we'll see if that takes it up a notch!  I am not doing My Fit Foods this week, and actually for the past 2 days I haven't done prepackaged foods at all, but I am counting.

I can already see a slight difference in my clothes.  Most of my work pants had become uncomfortably tight.  They still aren't loose, but they are far more wearable now, which is really the goal.

I can also feel the difference.  I don't know if I said it in this blog, but back when I started in 2007, I can remember after a few weeks, walking down the hallway at work and feeling different.  I felt like there was a cobra in my belly, coiled and ready to strike.  It is a very vivid memory for me - the day I found my power.  I am beginning to feel that way again.  And I love it.

Choices

I think it is easy as a Depression sufferer/survivor to feel powerless.  To feel down about life.  To feel out of control, or worse, so hopelessly mired in place that you cannot possibly imagine getting out of the quicksand you're sinking in.  So you give up and let the sand take you.  Or you sit there, unable to make a decision, and the sand takes you.

I am not there right now.

I am proud to not be there right now.

But I will probably be there again.  I know that feeling.  I know it so well, and I have to fight it off on a daily basis.

I want to say this to my potential future self, the one who may be stuck.  Get up and move.  Yes, it looks like it all sucks.  Yes, that sucks.  And yes, it is certainly possible that whatever actions you take will have no effect.  But you know what I know for sure?  No action will certainly not get you out of this place.  Some action is ALWAYS better than no action.

Get off the couch and go for a walk.

Eat something healthier.  Or at least put down the cookies and ice cream.

Clean one thing.  Any one thing.  Then do another thing tomorrow.

Go do something.  Something that you want to do.  Anything.

CHANGE YOUR MIND.

No, it won't happen overnight.  But it is the little things.  You need to give yourself little victories.  Look at the big picture.  You are ALIVE.  You are still breathing.  CHOOSE to make today better than yesterday.

You wake up every morning and you have a choice.  You are choosing to be here.  You are choosing to live your life the way you are living it.  If you are depressed, something is wrong.  Make a change.  Make a different choice.  But engage.  Don't let your inaction choose for you.  Don't sink in the quicksand because you couldn't lift the fog long enough to do anything.  Do something.  Anything.  Please.

Choose life.

Live life.