Night Terror

I had my first night terror that I can remember in over a decade last night.

What is weird is that I'm not particularly stressed.  In fact, I'm feeling more relaxed than normal.  I can't see any triggers.  I don't know why it happened last night, but UGH.

What I remember is opening my eyes and seeing a big giant spider coming down from the ceiling.  Like a kid in Aragog's family size spider.  At least cat-sized.  I couldn't see it well, but it was coming down its thread and it would be landing on Preston's side of the bed and so I screamed bloody murder and ran to turn on the light.

At which point, of course, I woke up.  The light is the universal waker-upper of me.  But this time it was weird.  I still felt super out of it.  I was very confused about what time it was (about 8:45 and I had fallen asleep around 8), where Preston was (probably still putting Z down), whether or not I had actually screamed (that remains uncertain)... all of it.  I left the light on for a bit and wandered to the bathroom where I finally realized what had happened.  Then I turned it off, laid down, and read a chapter in my book.  I was afraid, for the first time in my life, to listen to an audiobook.  My brain felt hyper-sensitized and somehow I felt like sound would launch me back into a dream.  At some point I realized I was long-blinking at my book, so I went back to sleep.

When Preston came to bed he says that I asked him what he was doing there.  I don't remember that part but apparently I talk to him quite often while I'm sleeping, so that's nothing abnormal.  But then I started telling him about the night terror and he didn't believe that I was awake and I got all mad at him.  Our conclusion is that I was sleep talking to him for a bit and somehow woke up enough to try to really communicate, because I do remember telling him about the night terror and him telling me I was dreaming and me saying no damnit.

Incidentally, the spider thing seems to be a recurring theme in the night terrors.  One of the others  that I can remember vividly involved a spider colored like the spiderman spider, but giant like the one last night, crawling across my loft bed at me when I was home visiting my parents.  I woke up crouched on a shelf dangling one food off like I was going to jump or climb down.  Sigh.  That is the other reason these are so disturbing.  I have been lucky so far, but it isn't safe to be wandering around while asleep.

What a wonky night.  I didn't exercise this morning for the first time in two weeks.  I want to do this afternoon so I don't break my streak.  I am just so tired.  And disturbed.  I don't want to start having night terrors and sleepwalking again.

Remembered Dream

I had one of those weird dreams last night that was very vivid and that incorporated my alarm clock.  The background that is important, I think, is just that I ordered ants for the ant farm that Z got for Xmas and they haven't come yet.  It may also be relevant that I recently traveled via airplane.  And that the names I name are people who I know but who aren't regularly involved in my life, one of them I haven't seen in literally 15 years other than on Facebook.

So, the dream.

We were at a movie theater for Laney's kid's birthday party.  The party-goers are sitting together.  Then a male airline steward walks up with a white glove full of ants, and essentially tells Laney off.  Tells her that it isn't his job to take deliveries, that she needs to get her guests under control, etc.  Laney then brings the glove to me and asks me to take care of it and apologize to the guy.

So I leave the theater with this cotton glove of ants and I'm trying to find a place to put it in this hallway that looks like a mall when I run across Deana with her kid.  Her kid is little, like maybe only a year old.  She is holding the kid and about to walk into the theater.  I chat her up for a few minutes and offer that she can join the party.  We walk through the doors and it is a very loud, very symphonic moment in the music score and I have this thought of "WTF is she doing bringing a little baby to this movie???", but in we go. 

As we walk in and the music is at a crescendo, it breaks into the sound of my wake-up alarm, which is a quiet sort of chime with buzzing.  I think, "Oooooh shit, someone didn't change the movie reel over, someone is SO fired!!"  I'm looking around the theater watching everyone's annoyed reactions when I realize that it is my alarm, I'm dreaming, and it is time to wake up.

Reverse Monster Truck Dream

So in this dream I'm over at my in-laws' house.  They have a big cul-de-sac right outside that they use frequently as a parking lot.  We were over there to help them build this sand mound to use as a parking space for one of those big (ridiculous) Texas trucks with giant tires and lift.

At some point during the building process I had to go inside to see Zoë, and when I come back out, the mound is finished and MY monster truck is parked on top of it.  I need to get something out of it, so I climb over a red concrete barrier that separates the homes from the cul-de-sac, and walk over to the mound.  I'm very aware of the sand debris scattered along the cul-de-sac as I walk to the mound.  All the in-laws are standing in the front yard of their house watching.

I get there and scramble up the sand, notice the front right wheel is a bit in the air due to the unevenness of the mound, open the truck door on the passenger side, and even as I wonder how I'm going to be tall enough to get into the truck, somehow I get my foot inside and hike myself up.  I'm sitting facing forwards in the passenger seat, but all of the driving controls are on the wall on the driver's left.  I think this is odd, but reach over, stick in the key (big reach, way behind me to the left), and turn the thing on.

Then the truck very slowly begins to roll backwards off the mound.  There is a house behind it, and of course, no concrete barrier.  I fling myself into the driver's seat and the gas and brake pedals are in the normal spot, though the steering wheel is behind me on the left wall.  I try to push on the brake, but it is really hard to depress, sort of like my Mustang used to be when it was turned off.  I start to panic.  Look over at in-laws house and everyone is still just standing around watching.

For some reason, I stick my foot under the break and pull powerfully up, and the truck stops, perilously close to the garage of the house behind.  I think now that the truck is stopped, I can get my foot from under the brake and reverse it to normal.  I try and the truck begins rolling again.

And then I woke up.

Crossroads Dreaming

So I had a dream last night.  I think it was really, really literal.  But also full of imagery from some of my recent experiences.

I was running and biking (alternately, possible because it was a dream - also ironically, I don't suck at biking in my dreams) on this path through this greenspace to visit a friend.  It was a dirt path, single track.  I get to this crossroads and there are 3 paths before me.  I take the right one, almost without thinking, but when I get a little ways down it, I second guess myself and turn back and go back to the crossroads.  When there, I get out my phone and turn on the GPS and try to figure out where I'm going, but can't.  Am so confused.  Come upon this nice family that convinces me that none of the paths are correct, so I end up heading back to the head of the trail to go a different way.

Then suddenly I'm in a tall building.  I'm in an upper floor, with a friend from childhood.  The building is supposed to be closed and we aren't supposed to be there, so we're running around looking for the correct bank of elevators to get us to the lobby where we'll be able to blend with people.  There's lots of running and looking, but finally we get on the elevator and are headed down.  When we get to the lobby, we blend and meet up with more people.  This friend and I have a mutual friend, the same one I was trying to visit in the part above, and she looks right at me and gives me a warning to be careful with the emotions of our mutual friend.  And I'm stunned.

And then I wake up.

Belly Dream

Last night I dreamt that I was sleeping on my belly.  It was like heaven.

That is all.

My Own Damn Cake

Yesterday at work they busted out the leftover cake from the party I missed on Tuesday.

Now, you know I've been craving cake this whole pregnancy. I even dreamed about it. Can't remember if I blogged it at the time, but I had this dream I went to the supermarket and I was just standing at the cake counter ogling and smelling the cakes. Yuuuuuum, cake...

Anyways, for my own showers, I got a piece of my cake right before it was gone at the work shower, and as for the home shower, the cake was amazing, but I think the bakery put a pinch of cinnamon in the chocolate for the most amazing taste and the most INSANE heartburn... so even though I ate 2 pieces at the shower and brought 4 more home, I can't eat those 4 unless I want even less sleep than I currently get. Not cool.

I was really looking forward to a bite of cake at this party.

I even snuck into the back room and sniffed it before I went to the doc.

So anyways, just before lunch yesterday I'm sitting in my office and I hear them breaking out the cake. I figure someone'll come by and let me know it is out and offer me some since I missed the party. Wrong. I wait a few minutes, then wander out on my way to the bathroom, looking for the cake the whole time. I don't see it anywhere! I figure maybe I was just having some kind of cake delusion and sadly go back to my office. Then I hear some being offered to the volunteer!! WTF??? It must be out there somewhere. I go the the bathroom again and also check the back room. STILL NO CAKE. It was like torture!! Knowing there was cake out there, smelling it, and not eating it, UGH!!!

I got all pissy and went home and made my own damn cake. And I got to lick the bowl. And it didn't give me heartburn and I was able to drink milk with it and I bet it was better than their fancy store-bought cake. So there. :-Þ

Labor Dream

Last night I dreamt that she came out quickly, with no drugs or episiotomy. And they layed her on my belly and Preston took beautiful pictures.

And I have a vague recognition that it wasn't my doc who delivered her. Foreshadowing, perhaps?

Freaky Preggo Dream

The other night I dreamt that we went to go see this colleague of mine (that let me have her old maternity clothes), who had her baby back in January, back when she was in the hospital just after having her baby. She didn't want to let anyone hold her kid, but she needed to go use the restroom, so she gave the baby to me, saying she knew I'd be careful and that I'd enjoy the practice. In the dream I was just as preggo as I am now. So I'm holding her kid, and I don't know what happened, but I'm dropping it. I grab the torso and manage to catch it before it hits the ground, but its head falls off! Like one of those old plastic dolls. And the head is laying on the floor, but it is still attached to the neck by the umbilical cord!! And her kid is still alive. So I bend over real quick, start shoving the cord back into the neck, and reattach the head. The whole thing seems really rickety, and is still looking like a broken plastic doll, not a kid, and I am totally freaking out that I broke her kid. And she comes out of the bathroom and takes her kid back from me, and seemingly doesn't notice anything. And then I woke up.

Dreaming Preggo

Last night in my dream I was pregnant. My subconscious was probably trying to explain all that kicking.

More Preggo Dreams

2 nights ago, I dreamt that I was laying in bed and I could feel the baby moving. I'd put my hand on my abs, right below my belly button, and my abs were for some reason split down the center, maybe half-an-inch, and right there I could feel the baby's heartbeat? You read that right: heartbeat. It was sooo creepy!

Last night I dreamt that I had the baby, it was a boy (not a redhead, le sigh, but brown like P), and I was trying to breastfeed him by this pool, only he wasn't really interested. In the dream he was 2 days old, but waaaaay too big for a newborn.

I had a few glorious nights where I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to pee, but the pee has returned this weekend. And I toss and turn. And the weather is getting warmer, which means I'm much less comfortable in the night. And we're just getting started. Joy.

Another Weird Pregnant Dream

Last night I dreamt that I needed to take another pregnancy test. It was important to a lot of people, for some reason. They were all waiting outside the bathroom. And it was one of those public bathrooms with a ton of stalls. Very gray in color. Concrete floor, cinderblock walls. I had ot go in with all my stuff for some reason, and I set almost all of it down on a shelf behind me. But there wasn't room for a box of tampons, which I set down in front of me and on the left, and a box of pregnancy tests, which were on the right. But I kept getting the boxed confused. First I peed on a tampon and it took me forever to realize what I had done. Then I was fumbling around trying to get into the pregnancy test (in a hurry, though the reason was never explained in the dream), finally got it open, peed on it, and first there was a second (green) line, which meant I was pregnant, but then the line grew and grew and turned into a green eye, which meant I wasn't. Then I was fumbling for the instructions trying to figure out which result was fight, how long I should have waited before reading it, etc. I finally decided to take another test, but accidentally opened 2 more tampons before I got into a pregnancy test. At which point I got another green line that grew into an eye, and I was crying because I wasn't pregnant any more.

And then I woke up.

First Weird Pregnancy Dream

I dreamt that I visited the street where I grew up and went to visit the people that lived in Polly and Bart's house after they moved out. They were nice people, always had a bunch of cats and dogs, and 2 kids.

I knocked on the door, greeted all the animals and the kids I remembered, and commented on how many more animals and kids they had. Sandy, the mom, said that she had actually just had another baby, and showed him to me. He looked like a human version of a "pinky" mouse... basically like a fetus that was already out. In the dream, this was normal. Then it was time for dinner. She commented that the baby was starting to eat solid foods, and did I want to watch and learn the technique for when I had my baby. Of course I did! So she took the baby, put him in a jar, like a Mason jar, but bigger, and he looked up like a baby bird and she got this eye-dropper thing and started squirting food into his mouth.

Yeah. Weird dream.

More Dreams

Last night I dreamt that I was in a running race. We had to run laps around this giant building complex-thing, complete with stairs and hallways and turns, etc. First we ran 3 laps, then waited for everyone to come back. Then two laps of a different course, then waited again. Then one lap of yet another course. On this one, I was in first place among the females (this is how we know it is a dream), so they put me in front with the lead male. There was one other guy faster than me, so I let him in front of me too, saying that there was no reason not to start in order of actual ability. I really wanted him in front of me because I was afraid of getting lost on the course!! This lap had tons of stairs, and there was a section where the stairs met (like a V shape), and we had to run up and down that part several times. Then, at the end, we ended up in this gym where there was a list of exercises that we had to finish. I started out with squats, but by the time I got to 20, my quads were killing me, and I needed to get to 100! So I wanted to try an arm exercise to give my quads a break, but I couldn't figure out how to work the machine. So I decided to do some core exercises, but they didn't have standard names, so the list of what I had to do referred me to this magazine that had pictures, but I couldn't find the thing! Finally I decided to go for squats again, but my legs gave out just before I got to 40. Then I woke up.

The funny thing is that I'm not even preparing for a race right now!

Cubist Dreams

Last night I had this dream again. I say again, though the dream is never the same, the complication is always the same: I cannot focus my eyes. I close my eyes to sleep or blink, and when I open them, all I see is flashed of bright colors, pieces of the scene I'm trying to see. It is like dreaming a Picasso or Braque during their analytical cubist period, only the colors are so bright, and I only see one piece of the painting at a time. My mind creates the distorted painting in an attempt to meld the pieces together.

Always I'm desperately trying to make out the scene. I open my eyes once, twice. I close them and try to focus on the back of my eyelids before I open them a third time. The scene is in focus, then slides back out.

The story line, I believe, is unimportant. This time, I walked over to the closet in the house where I grew up. It was a tiny thing, but it had deep shelves on either side of the doorway, and when I was a child I made a "reading nest" of pillows and blankets on the floor, and I'd go in there and feel safe and hidden in my little space with a shelf over my head and one over my feet. Anyways, in the dream, I opened this closet door, only in the dream, people from my job had sleeping places in there, like bunks. I think I was trying to do something nice for them, because they are the team working on the inventory, so I was trying to hang artwork, mostly Escher, but also a few other pieces that I didn't recognize (either in the dream or in real life).

Always through the task I'm trying to "see straight". I never do.

I should also mention that the cubist sight hurts. Like when you put on someone's glasses that are too strong for you. I close my eyes against the pain, and try to focus again. There is also a low level of emotional panic and struggle that underlies the dream.

I always wake up from these dreams feeling exhausted. I never remember having one before this year, but I can think of three times relatively recently when I've dreamt in cubism.

I just chase my tail when I try to interpret the thing. The storyline is easy to make sense of. But the cubism? Am I focusing too hard on the little things, or not hard enough? Is my view of the world distorted? Have I forgotten the big picture, or am I just incapable of seeing it? Or is a sight interpretation too literal? Is it about the struggle? Overcoming the panic? A message to stop fighting the current and go with things the way they are?

I Had a Dream

Of a beautiful world where I didn't dream about work.

That dream was not reality last night. This was my dream (which really sheds light on how I'm feeling about work):

I was in my Boss's car with Preston and a man we'll call ShelfDude. Boss was driving, I was in passenger seat, P behind me, and Dude behind Boss. My cell phone rings and it is BlackBetteMiddler who always calls everyone "Sweetie" (BBM for short). In the dream the parking garage at work apparently is accessible from every level of the work building (instead of half a mile away like IRL), and my car is parked just outside the Vault entrance. The moving company is ready to move the Vault items into the new wing, so they're going to tow my car (the Red Menace). I start freaking out - I've parked in a perfectly legal and valid space, and they can't just tow my car because they don't like it!! At a certain point, I give up and hand the phone to Boss, knowing that she's more diplomatic than I, and thus has a better chance of saving my car. I turn around to P and ask him if he could catch a bus back to the Library to save my car. He nods, so I turn back to Boss, but now she and ShelfDude have switched physical places in the car, and the car is now a huge truck, and he is on my phone arguing with BBM. I try to get his attention to make the suggestion that P pick up my car. He gets super annoyed, tells BBM to hold on, grumpily listens to me, cuts me off, gets back on my phone, grabs a plate of half-eaten food off the dashboard and uses a knife to start scratching notes to himself in the food. I turn to look incredulously at Boss, who has a pair of blunted scissors and is feigning stabbing herself in the neck with them. The phone snaps shut and I turn to ShelfDude who says, "Your car will be towed in one hour." I start to cry.

And the dream ends. I wake up, pissed, to start off my day.

That dream packed in a bunch of actual imagery from my day yesterday, along with all the insanity, and the frustration. I wish I had dreamed it earlier in the night, so I didn't remember, and so I wasn't left with the lingering anger and frustration that I'm still feeling.

3 miler this morning, with the last quarter mile at max effort (felt like I was going to puke), and then drills. Lunged until I could lunge no more, and am not sure I can stand back up from this desk!

That is all. Thank the gods this is Friday for me.

My First Tri-Dream

I think this dream was a result of stress at work and also starting to train for CBI Sprint Tri in May...

So, I had totally trained for a sprint tri, but I end up at an Ironman competition. Which for some reason, I didn't drop out of, even though I was totally unprepared. The competition was starting at 6am, and I set my alarm for 4:45am. But when I woke up I realized that I totally hadn't allowed enough time to eat and then poo before the start. And when I started getting ready I realized I hadn't packed my special needs bags or my T1 and T2 stuff. I hadn't even labeled the bags or taken them off the strange grocery bag type holder, you know not the roll of bags, but the flat one where you pull the bag off. I also hadn't read the rules/regulations/athletes' instructions. So I'm trying to read the packet to figure out what to do, but instead of reading the instructions, I get in this loop of reading the list of athletes' names that was included in the packet and cross-referencing the list with some other list that suddenly appeared in my hand (this is totally the work part). And I couldn't read the instructions until I finished.

Then I woke up. Feeling very very frantic.

Then I went to the Y and swam 2700 yards in 70 minutes to get out of the dream. Woot.

Which, btw, this week is my first week wearing a swim cap. Not my favorite. Not my favorite to get on (real struggle with the long hair, which I braid first). Not my favorite over my ears (makes funny noises, allows a little water in, then hurts eventually). Not my favorite feeling (is there an oven around my head? Oh, no, it's my swim cap! Grr.). But my hair loves it, and I know I have to get used to it. Surely it'll get better.

4 Mile Morning

Uneventful run, except that it was over 20 degrees colder than my last run!

I'll plug in the splits when I get home tonight, but I think I was running right about 10 minute miles after the first slow warm-up mile.... 4 miles in just over 40 minutes.

Oh, and I did pay attention to this. My hands got warm .94 miles into the run. That is exactly when my pace dipped below 10 min/mi for the first time in the run. Interesting.

And omg, I was having the weirdest dream when I woke up!! It was a combination, I think, of JaMIL, this woman from my in-laws' New Year's party (who reminds everyone of JaMIL), and the Golden Compass. I was running around this plush room locking millions of windows trying to keep her out, and she just walked in through the door. And then forced me to sit next to her, close enough that she was touching me (I have a large sense of personal space, apparently both waking and dreaming.) and I was filled with hatred and revulsion. Interesting. The dream was so strong that it was really all I could think about after I woke up until about .5 mile into the run. It was almost like it was still with me - wispy in my mind overlaying reality. A bit disturbing, really.

Splits:
Mile 1: 10:32
Mile 2: 9:54
Mile 3: 9:59
Mile 4: 9:40